MOMMY'S VISIT

Mum visited me after a long time, and life got interestingly busy. I am now suffering from MODS…i.e. Mommy Overdose Syndrome. While over the years I have aged, I marvel at the fact, my mum has not…every morning I would wake up…and there would be a race to the kitchen… Mum would always win…and then the tug of war would start, she would want to cook for the day…………while I wanted her to relax. The early morning marathon would tire me but not her, finally reasoning helped, but for a few days..till she announced…her limbs were going weak…because of lack of exercise, in other words she needed to work.... so.. I felt I had joined the Day Care....and was under constant Mommy Supervision….

Life for a few days became guerilla warfare. Surely the hand that rocked the cradle was now ruling my turf...and I had no right to complain. I thought my years had taught me a lot, but mums visit made me realize how much more I had to learn. Never did she miss a chance on giving me a piece of advice....and to my horror I realized I needed the so called piece of advice on every thing.

We went to buy vegetables...and there she was taking out so called Fresh onions,[???]. I normally buy the big sized, so there is less to peel,but here was Mommy digging out all the medium sized ones.....before I could start peeling I already was misty eyed.

All the clothes needed to be ironed by my Iron Lady, besides me the Dhobi[washerman] was also jobless...my yells would make her quietly sneak away with the damp clothes to the ironing board..and there she would be humming her prayers , raising her brows telling me not to disturb her in her prayers…….I could see she was having a great deal of trouble with me in trying to set the errant child right…somewhere deep down I am sure she was enjoying it….And I too was enjoying saying my silent prayers that the years had not slowed her down.

Then there were the never ending visits to the temples….Every God needed to be pleased so that her brood of children and their extended family could be prayed for….Happiness insured for her children in her own way....[I guess I can now sin for life.] I in the bargain also got to discover some beautiful temples…loved the architecture of the Kumbharia Jain temple at Ambaji…the beautiful marble carvings, the peace and the serenity…and the look on my mums face shall always stay with me.

We took a trip to Somnath, something she wanted to. The short holiday did us good. My weight loss plan went to the bin....I always thought being a mother, she understood my unspoken...well she gracefully ignored it... my No’s fell on Deaf ears...I needed to be fed not overfed. Anything that she found tasty had to be fed to her new found Guinea pig..... Me.

The endless stories about life and relationships lived, the gone and the alive…She had so much to tell me, share with me...relatives I never knew existed, were alive in her conversations…and I silently thanked my stars she was not born in the days of the Mahabharata....

The short trip came to an end, and it was time for Mum to go. I am back to my life and she to hers…a warm gush of emotion spreads when I think of all the unselfish day to day things she at her age still does for me and my siblings. I would catch her looking at me and all I could see was pure love.

Everything that she could do for me she did, but she forgot one thing...............sing the lullaby

EXPECTATIONS .......

What is with life and relationships these days? Everybody seems to be embittered.
Why are we so high in expectations on everybody else but ourselves? Nirupama Pathak was a case in point which really got me thinking about relationships between parents and children…this relationship for sure is going through a transition, and maybe vanishing with uncertainty and expectation.

We keep saying the modern generation children are failing their parents……why do we not think once that are parents not failing their children too. Why do we parents give our children wings, when we ourselves have not learnt to fly yet? Should we not as parents fulfill our own expectations of ourselves than start expecting from our children. So bound are we parents by our own values, our beliefs that we at times refuse to make the change in our attitude to life.
We give our kids the best of education, wanting them to excel in everything in life, always wanting them to do the right thing, hoping, praying that they imbibe by the values we set for them, setting high standards for them …thus doing everything right in life…and we as parents forget…that they are human beings in their own right, they shall make their own mistakes sometimes unobserved in life’s fast pace, and maybe learn from those mistakes. Much as our life is ours, their life is theirs too.

In life most of the things we do is because our parents did it that way, or so is the norm of the society...the society which too is formed by us. We parents have become Modern…but we have also become skeptical. We feel, our way is the best, no other way shall work for our children. So firm are we in our mindset that any other way but ours brings us disappointment. Our expectations have to be met in a set way…or else it shall only bring us disappointment…forgetting that expectation is not meant to be without disappointment. Instead of being so sensitive to our own needs as parents should we not just let them make their mistakes, [No, I do not advocate sex before marriage, or teen pregnancies and all other choices that the younger generation makes.]
But should we as parents try not judging them and do what we as parents can do best…give them love especially when they donot deserve it,give unconditional love so that no young life is lonely in their darkest hours of crisis.

DISCOVERING MYSELF..........?

Today started off as any other day, but as the clock ticked away the hours, the mind weaved its thoughts, and I realized Today was not like any other day. Outwardly nothing had changed, the changes were within me.

Off late my mind asks me questions that I wonder if I will ever have answers to.... What am I striving for, What do I want to learn before I die, What is it that I am searching for, What do I seek to embrace, What if I get lost in everything and never find Myself………Do I really want to discover myself, Do I really want to get lost in all the questions my mind asks , Should I flee from my mind or just get lost in it all?

Discovering myself, is a journey I donot want to embark on. Much as I need to find myself at times, I discover myself through the relationships I have developed, the self that has been created by the people around me. As I look back on life, I discover that that there are major opinions that I have acquired, some beliefs I have discarded, some I have adapted to, some mysteries of life I have ventured into all by myself, but found answers to{?} because of the people, the relationships around me. It is through my relationships that some days I encounter my self, and then I feel am born yet again. And at times like these I act like Columbas.Just when I think I know myself, life changes and I react like a stranger to what it throws at me. Discovering myself is indeed puzzling…I ask myself will I ever come face to face with myself?

Is there any part of me that hasn’t been altered, stayed unchanged? Why is my own self so hidden from me? Discovering myself, is it really worth the effort? Will I ever find my own answers or will I keep discovering myself through my relationships?

If I know the real myself, will I love Myself or run away from it? Knowing myself is indeed not only a difficult task but an inconvenient one too. Maybe, one day my self examination would give me a true picture of Myself, or maybe I shall never Discover Myself, but I know I shall discover the person I wanted to be…and so I shall come face to face with Myself.

LOVE AND SORROW

I read this beautiful, heartwarming post By IHM, on her blog. And then decided to reproduce this forward I had got. The source is of course unknown......It conveys a lot....one thing is for certain that birds donot differ from humans in emotions.....and its not only feathers that make a bird.......
Swallows
Here his wife is injured and the condition is fatal.
She was hit by a car as she swooped low across the road.

Here he brought her food and attended to her with Love and compassion.

He brought her food again but was shocked to find her dead.He tried to move her....a rarely-seen effort for swallows!

Aware that his sweetheart is dead and will never come back to him again, he cries

with adoring love.

He stood beside her, saddened of her death.

Finally aware that she would never return to him, he stood beside her body with sadness and sorrow.

Millions of people cried after watching this picture in America and Europe and even in India . It is said that the photographer sold these pictures for a nominal fee to themost famous newspaper in France . All copies of that newspaper were sold out on the day these pictures were published.
Do you still think animals don't have a brain or feelings?????

I Love Being A Woman

A friend of mine is visiting me, and while having one of our many heart to heart conversations, she surprised me by saying …If there is rebirth; I want to be born a man, and not a woman. And I thought to myself…no, I love being a woman and I would love to be born a woman again. I have been pondering ever since - what is it that makes me feel like a woman, what does being a woman mean to me, and above all why do I love being a woman.

Being a woman is a difficult task, more so in today’s world. No more are we put on a pedestal, but we have to combine marriage, children, home, and a career. Nobody wants to hear what we think; we cannot have a career unless it is for the financial stability for the family. In spite of the fact a woman is called “Ardhangini” once married, we still have to find ways to express our self. In a patriarchal world, finding one's voice is difficult……but we manage fairly well.

There is so much to being a woman…..monthly cycles, while a man would struggle with it, we women have learnt to accept it willingly, becaz that’s tied to the most beautiful experience...childbirth..Our greatest achievement.

And the other great achievement is … we willingly accept we are weak [though the feminists would disagree] but weak we are maybe only physically…Our inner strength, resilience, ability to laugh even when hurting inside…. letting our tears flow freely, and also be able to giggle uncontrollably…..all this comes so easy to us. What would the world be, but cold and impersonal but for our feminine touch?

There is so much to being a woman…and yes I love it all. My moods, my ability not to understand it all, my quirks, and my ability to keep quiet even when I know it all. When I am depressed I eat or shop, I have learnt that nobody shall give me power, I just have it within me, and I make the choice not to take it... Oh yes, I am full of contradictions, and yet I can get away with it all. I have not made the rules [they say men have] so I do not have to live upto them.

I can be beautiful, be an illusion, wear my tears like a piece of jewellery, hide my brains, speak the language of silence and say it all, my touch is better than a bandage at times[ say my kids], my instincts are better than my reasons, my weakness is also my strength. I know less but understand more, and I always have the last word. I as a woman can say sorry with my smiles and tears. My strengths - even though hidden, have their influence. I have the power to make life and above all to make it worthwhile….yes I love being a woman. The list is endless...And so I love being a woman, and yes I would love to be born again and again as a woman.

MOTHER/DAUGHTER.....INLAW OR OUTLAW

This category of relationship is really unique…truly one of a kind.When you marry you become a family in more ways than one. While, all other kin relationships are bound by blood, this one is bound by marriage, and comes with giving respect and a code of conduct, and above all with a lot of expectations more so for the women…If one is fortunate enough to have a welcoming extended family, there could not be a greater blessing, but if your inlaw relationship is strained it could lead to a shaky marriage.Whether we like it or not, this is one relationship, that can either put pressure on the relationship, or be the biggest support.Getting along with your in laws especially the mother in law can be the biggest challenge of married life
Every woman I know walks into a marriage knowing that your inlaws are the people who raised your husband who also happens to be the man, you love too..But sometimes even this one major factor is not enough to keep peace.While for many these situations are exaggerated , for many others it becomes a major problem to deal with daily. Why should there be a problem in the first place???????But there is….I guess the expectations of the roles we define in our minds for the ideal Bahu, Sister in law, etc. is what kills the relationship, and if it does not kill it, it weighs it down for sure.The pre conceived notions about an ideal daughter in law has killed the relationship even before it has started.We forget we got an individual , who shall fit into the required role in due course.Accept your daughter in law for who she is.Give first Than expect.Guide her along than expect her to know how to do everything the way you did

The man I feel gets squashed in between this tug of war….Son/Husband But then it is the man[ who is now a husband too]who sadly is the only one who can bridge the two. Sadly many men miss out on this one important thing..While the girl leaves behind her family to make a new home, the man continues being a son, a brother alone and forgets he has a new role assigned to him that of The Husband….He is the only one who can make his wife be understood and his parents get respect and civility they truly deserve.

For the parents I guess it does get difficult to let go off the man/son they raised. You have raised your son and now someone else he has got into his life with your blessings has to become a priority .This new couple needs to adjust to one another first, understand their differences let go off their individual lifestyles, needs and make adjustments to run their relationship smoothly. Often the in-law relationship gets better with time, but if it’s been quite a few years and things have not changed, I guess they never will. You can not make them love you, understand you if they do not want to…so all one can do is change your reactions, the years have gone by and they will go by. No relationship is designed to perfection and so neither is this one. Every woman who becomes a mother in law was once married to someone’s son too,…………all it takes is a little thought and a whole lot of love …both ways.

Its A son..oh boy??

My family was finally complete when our son was born, was it easy having him…oh no. while he was all excited to view the world, my doctor and self took all measures to hold him in my womb. Every month was full of stress, he would kick, move, jump..All to get out and be held at my bosom…but it was too early, so I went on bed rest. Holding him close to myself, and praying. God please take care of my baby. and my daughter adding up… it has to be brother[bhai] ur tummy jumps too much….she wanted a brother so much and we wanted a healthy baby, since nothing was going right with this pregnancy. And finally in my eighth month, after our tug of war, stay in, no want to get out. my child won and …Our son was born….I saw him, with the cord, his frail chest pumping, up and down, like he was trying to breathe and sound his arrival to one and all…and suddenly with all the energy he could muster…he made the sweetest sound in the world. That first sound shall always stay with me. He announced his arrival in such a grand regal way, I got to hold him but for a mt., before the nurse put him in the incubator. Please pray for him is what the Dr. said. And I did, but I also knew. my son would survive it all, he wanted to be with me and was thus always in a hurry ….to be held by me, to be beside me….to make my family complete, my world complete…
My lil frail child was soon adding pounds much to our joy, and he was oh boy????All that energy, that mischief. He was forever in his own magical world.
Our home peaceful and serene with our prim and proper daughter was now hit by a tornado. Gone were dolls and colours, now there were cars, jeeps and Lego blocks.
If a broom could make the witch fly, why could he not do so, If a clown could have multicolored faces he must too. Our pet dog Tootsie was his energy tester, he would sleep beside him, hold his tail to take him on his toes and balance him. His world was complete with his simple vocabulary….ma, for mamma, da for dada, di for didi[elder sis] and C for Tootsie.
He related to my husband for the thrills boys needed. My husband a pilot always had to tell him how he flew his sortie. Air crashes he wanted to know all about and always felt the thrill to the word Crash…often wondering if his dad would ever crash. He looked up to his father as all boys do for how to interact with others, and I knew my husband was, is a good father and the best example for my son to follow in life. But me, as a mother I had a role too, to teach him how he should treat a girl right, to respect women, so that he nurtures better relationships. But my baby at that age was past understanding my worries. So simple and make believe was his world which had excitement and thrill only. No sadness no tears, only the fun of living at his pace.
Our abode where nothing was out of place now had sticky fingers on walls, rugs and pillows. Life was not the same there was too much activity…but there was also lots of laughter, love and mischief…My world was complete, there was a sense of balance. Having a daughter and a son had given me the sense of completeness I wanted.
Watching my kids hugging each other and sleeping without any worry and fear, my lips would say a silent prayer.
Their innocence and joy I knew would not last, as they would move in
Life to make their place…while their world would grow, mine always will be limited to them.

my child, my teacher

The first eye contact with my child is something I will always cherish. Her lips had formed the letter O, and her eyes held mine for sometime, as if telling me…. So I belong to u, I am an extension of u. My eyes had got all misty and hers seemed so much focused on me. All that innocence, the look of bewilderment has always stayed with me…and then as if her look tugged my face towards her. I gave her my gentle kiss on her tiny lips. My world seemed so right, so perfect. All the physical and emotional pain was taken away with that one look. In that one look I had a new word to me..MOM.
From a day old she turned to be a month old, the months kept adding and I felt more love than I could possibly know. The days were busy days, but they were filled with laughs and smiles, she was there to command and I was there to obey. Her simple needs and wants were spoken in her unique way. Whimper when uneasy, laugh when happy, rub your eyes when sleepy, and wake up with a stretch and smile. Her needs were few and so basic. There never was a dull moment.
My amazing lil being grew to be six months old, and she wanted to explore the house on her plump lil belly. I never understood what did the trick for her to flay her arms in the air, push the floor with her tiny feet and waddle, and then she would preen at something on the floor… which would follow with a laugh from within. My lil one gave me my first lesson…I learnt to laugh from within, life was full of surprises, and every surprise had to be greeted with bewilderment and laughter. My precious gift from God was unknowingly becoming my teacher.
The months were turning into years, and my lil one was Columbus every day..on her own discovery, of her territory , where she saw no dangers, no fear…..and she showed complete trust in my husband and me.
Shapes, figures, flowers and trees, the sky and water all that I had learnt to view in my way was not mine anymore. I saw them thru her eyes, our bewildered looks were so alike. She would pick up a pebble and wanted me to feel it, how could a pebble be soft on one side and rough on another.She would climb afew steps and leap into our arms, there was no fear and total trust that she would be held safely.
I looked at my precious child, who had started her life’s journey with happiness, trust and no fear……something that in my adult years I was seeking .I too as a child must have had all this, when did I let it all go…..the world through my child’s eyes was once again a nicer world. The sense of awe, bewilderment and sheer pleasure of being alive has stayed with me. Life I do not anymore take for granted……..my first borne lesson to me I have treasured.

Understanding Life

When i was young my mum told me this....God gave you this life so that u could grow your soul...and one can do this only with one's goodness and values. As i moved ahead in life trying to understand it and grow not only in years but also as a human being, did this one statement start making sense.I got married at the age of 18, my dream world was left behind and i walked into a new home with a new meaning to life. I learnt to accept responsibility of the relationship i had walked into. I started living life the way i was expected to, making my new families beliefs, wants, dreams my own. Was it easy ..oh no? it was like peeling an onion everyday. Discovering something new about the relationships that i had, I in turn started discovering my self through my reaction to situations. Sometimes the peels would make u cry but life continued. Soon i had my first born,then onwards, everyday, everything was a miracle, childbirth in itself was one.Life started being lived. I was learning to live outside myself without even realizing i was doing so.Each tommorrow was becoming so different from a yesterday lived.When i laughed at the new joys life was offering i laughed like hell. My onion had a new peel, i discovered the tears were shed with joy. Life looked different through my own eyes. I started unconsciously figuring out what i wanted to be as a parent, my mom's saying then came into being..i was hoping to elevate my soul, and i started living inside this hope.All because i wanted to make life worthwhile for my daughter..it had to be contagious..for her to be able to see everyday as new day..Life was coming to a full circle. I was learning to make a life not by what i had got, but by what i was giving. The journey of self discovery continues...Each day is finally being lived like it is my last..the way my mum wanted me to, the way my daughter could follow if she chose to.