You are 24 today….Happy Birthday Son…….Time indeed flies…Gone is the mischief, your spider man antics, bruised knees, cut fingers, band aids, soiled clothes, ruffled hair, mischievous grin, Lego, bat and ball, hugs and cuddles, and tucking you in bed at night………..
Your growing years were full of exciting, funny antics….The times you were naughty, I could not even lock you up in the bathroom. The one time I did, u smartly started having a bath, singing at the top of your voice. All I could do then was laugh…
You my son, had learnt early to make the best of the worst…
Your dad was your hero, your favorite toy….you would jump on him, do cartwheels when in his arms, grunt like Tarzan and always wanted piggy- back rides. You wanted him to run with you, race with you, and he would mostly let you win just to see that smile on your face…and the times you would lose…..the smile was still there. And I knew then that my son you would take failure too in your stride…your joy at winning was not for yourself alone.
When out on walks by yourself, you always came back with those stray puppies…my lil pied piper walking with his army of stray dogs, all wagging their little tails, knowing they were invited for dinner…..you showed compassion and care at that young an age…and I my son would watch with mixed emotions and misty eyes, Knowing that you had it in you to grow up right.
You wanted to become a cop...That was your goal, and I watched you with pride giving your best to make your dream come true. You put in hard work, and all I could do was pray. A cop you have become, you have accomplished what you wanted.
I know for sure, you will be able to differentiate between right and wrong, show compassion to the old and tenderness to the young, and happiness and success shall always come your way.
I look at you, and I realize…Strong yet Gentle, Full of care and compassion, that’s you my son. You might not move mountains, or change the world…but you surely do get moved by life and people, and get touched by their struggles…and then yes, son, you make an effort to touch lives and change them for the better in your own gentle way. ….
From being a great boy, you have turned to be a great young man, outgrown my lap, but not my heart. As I sit and write this, I remember the years have gone by like moments. You are all grown up, but still my little boy. You still have the coooooool smile and the twinkle in your eyes.
Gone is the time when I could give you needless kisses, but son I can always say it aloud…I love you…honestly, madly, respectfully. I shed tears not of sorrow, but of joy and pride, for the wonderful, human being you have turned out to be. Life shall offer you dreams, worries, regrets, happiness ...and I know you shall take it all in your stride...
My regret today….no more hugs and wet kisses, messy nose, no cradling you….sometimes I guess you should forget how big, and tall you are and just get into my lap….Love you Son, for all that you are Today, and all that you will be Tomorrow…My son, My sonshine, My star……….
And just the other day I was reading my previous post
Time indeed does fly.
Showing posts with label son. Show all posts
Showing posts with label son. Show all posts
Monday, May 18, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
EMPTY NEST...............NOSTALGIA
Living in an empty nest, sometimes my mind does drift on to the days when we had our house full, the days would fly away, what with my daughter and son around…where did the years go? How did time fly away so fast? I never saw the hidden wings of time and neither did I see the kids grow up to be adults.
While they were there, all the noise in the house would drive me mad…..and now when they are settled in their own happy lives and world…it’s the silence that drives me mad.
I miss the times when my now adult kids were kids, children living in their own free world. enriching my life, turning my smile into laughter. With them around besides being the parent I was also the child…..
Those were the days….I get nostalgic….
I remember the times, when I would take them to the park, in the merry go round, they would always wave when they crossed me, and I would always wave back…the sense of being acknowledged every time, was so momentous…My body was with me, but my heart was on that merry go round…..
And the piggy back rides….I was glad they grew up, for this ….and then I realized to my horror my 5 year old son wanted to take me piggy back…so there I was trailing on his shoulders, my arms around him, my legs dragging slowly, me all smiles and then he turned around and said the cutest thing……’’Mumma you are not heavy, I can carry you forever’’…
My little boy who till now I loved to carry around was getting to be grown up enough to shoulder me and the world….Happiness and joy soon was taken over by tears…My daughter watching me cry, just came and sat next to me and put her hand over mine…and I cried even more. When I looked at her, she patted my hand and said ….”Okay enough, now Go wash your face”
And then we had to teach them to ride a bicycle…..I wanted to protect them from the fall, so would always hold on to the bicycle and keep balancing …Till my wiser ones said … ‘But mumma, we have to be set free to learn to balance ourselves.’ One of those teary moments again, with the realization…that they shall forever need the support, but also the freedom.
Playing hide and seek was my favorite game, that gave me minutes to rest, unseen , in my quiet corner, so there I was behind the door standing with my eyes shut, and my daughter finds me, and says… “Why stand in a corner, if it scares you? Come hide behind the sofa.”
And the one time they were quarrelling ….I said “okay now”…my daughter interrupts and says … “yes, we will stop before you say 3”……She was an angel, who came out with questions , that made me fumble, and mumble…Everyday at the end of the day she would sum me up as mother…something I looked forward to, one day would end with me being the scolding mum, and the other day she would tell me you were a kissing mum today…..and one day she said Today you have been a scoldy kissy mum…I cherish this Compliment from my little one, who is now managing her own little one.
One time during the day, my little son had his pudgy arms behind his head, and he was just resting in that regal posture of his, with a very content look, which only kids can have. I walked past and asked him, ‘what are you up to….Mumma I am day dreaming’’ Dreaming with eyes open? I asked. ‘Yes mumma, it is day, so my eyes are open. You can do that too, sit here with me…..Wow, my son taught me, to dream with my eyes open…..and this realization was followed with another teary moment.
My faith in my son has remained unchallenged. He tells me...Mumma do not think I am simple and naïve, because you will get hurt otherwise……. [And I look at the handsome young man standing in front of me and think to my self…..My son , raising you has been most fulfilling, with you I played the games I never was allowed to as a girl, I being a woman lived your ideas, ambitions and aspirations…and stepped out into a man’s mind, his world…… All I did then was get up and give him my big mumma hug…only this time he was embarrassed……Yes, my son was grown up enough to feel shy with mumma hugs.
My little lady is a mother herself. She shares the squeals of her daughter with me and mine are mixed with hers too, making me happier than ever. My little girl, my gender partner, my treasure, my extension has grown up to be my best friend.....We are like two volumes of the same book……..
All this and many more, I have deposits in my memory bank. The kids have outgrown my lap, but not my heart. They say they are grown up….Yes, they have grown older, bigger, they are adults…..but they have always been my kids, and will be my kids. They were and are my greatest pride, accomplishment and joy.
The nest is empty, but the heart is full. And the mind, it is never empty; I am never alone in my thoughts. I love them for who they are and more so for what they have grown to be. We are chained with love…..only our language differs…it’s a full circle…. Now they speak from their mind and I from my heart. I cannot hold them in my arms now, but in my heart I always do.
While they were there, all the noise in the house would drive me mad…..and now when they are settled in their own happy lives and world…it’s the silence that drives me mad.
I miss the times when my now adult kids were kids, children living in their own free world. enriching my life, turning my smile into laughter. With them around besides being the parent I was also the child…..
Those were the days….I get nostalgic….
I remember the times, when I would take them to the park, in the merry go round, they would always wave when they crossed me, and I would always wave back…the sense of being acknowledged every time, was so momentous…My body was with me, but my heart was on that merry go round…..
And the piggy back rides….I was glad they grew up, for this ….and then I realized to my horror my 5 year old son wanted to take me piggy back…so there I was trailing on his shoulders, my arms around him, my legs dragging slowly, me all smiles and then he turned around and said the cutest thing……’’Mumma you are not heavy, I can carry you forever’’…
My little boy who till now I loved to carry around was getting to be grown up enough to shoulder me and the world….Happiness and joy soon was taken over by tears…My daughter watching me cry, just came and sat next to me and put her hand over mine…and I cried even more. When I looked at her, she patted my hand and said ….”Okay enough, now Go wash your face”
And then we had to teach them to ride a bicycle…..I wanted to protect them from the fall, so would always hold on to the bicycle and keep balancing …Till my wiser ones said … ‘But mumma, we have to be set free to learn to balance ourselves.’ One of those teary moments again, with the realization…that they shall forever need the support, but also the freedom.
Playing hide and seek was my favorite game, that gave me minutes to rest, unseen , in my quiet corner, so there I was behind the door standing with my eyes shut, and my daughter finds me, and says… “Why stand in a corner, if it scares you? Come hide behind the sofa.”
And the one time they were quarrelling ….I said “okay now”…my daughter interrupts and says … “yes, we will stop before you say 3”……She was an angel, who came out with questions , that made me fumble, and mumble…Everyday at the end of the day she would sum me up as mother…something I looked forward to, one day would end with me being the scolding mum, and the other day she would tell me you were a kissing mum today…..and one day she said Today you have been a scoldy kissy mum…I cherish this Compliment from my little one, who is now managing her own little one.
One time during the day, my little son had his pudgy arms behind his head, and he was just resting in that regal posture of his, with a very content look, which only kids can have. I walked past and asked him, ‘what are you up to….Mumma I am day dreaming’’ Dreaming with eyes open? I asked. ‘Yes mumma, it is day, so my eyes are open. You can do that too, sit here with me…..Wow, my son taught me, to dream with my eyes open…..and this realization was followed with another teary moment.
My faith in my son has remained unchallenged. He tells me...Mumma do not think I am simple and naïve, because you will get hurt otherwise……. [And I look at the handsome young man standing in front of me and think to my self…..My son , raising you has been most fulfilling, with you I played the games I never was allowed to as a girl, I being a woman lived your ideas, ambitions and aspirations…and stepped out into a man’s mind, his world…… All I did then was get up and give him my big mumma hug…only this time he was embarrassed……Yes, my son was grown up enough to feel shy with mumma hugs.
My little lady is a mother herself. She shares the squeals of her daughter with me and mine are mixed with hers too, making me happier than ever. My little girl, my gender partner, my treasure, my extension has grown up to be my best friend.....We are like two volumes of the same book……..
All this and many more, I have deposits in my memory bank. The kids have outgrown my lap, but not my heart. They say they are grown up….Yes, they have grown older, bigger, they are adults…..but they have always been my kids, and will be my kids. They were and are my greatest pride, accomplishment and joy.
The nest is empty, but the heart is full. And the mind, it is never empty; I am never alone in my thoughts. I love them for who they are and more so for what they have grown to be. We are chained with love…..only our language differs…it’s a full circle…. Now they speak from their mind and I from my heart. I cannot hold them in my arms now, but in my heart I always do.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Its A son..oh boy??
My family was finally complete when our son was born, was it easy having him…oh no. while he was all excited to view the world, my doctor and self took all measures to hold him in my womb. Every month was full of stress, he would kick, move, jump..All to get out and be held at my bosom…but it was too early, so I went on bed rest. Holding him close to myself, and praying. God please take care of my baby. and my daughter adding up… it has to be brother[bhai] ur tummy jumps too much….she wanted a brother so much and we wanted a healthy baby, since nothing was going right with this pregnancy. And finally in my eighth month, after our tug of war, stay in, no want to get out. my child won and …Our son was born….I saw him, with the cord, his frail chest pumping, up and down, like he was trying to breathe and sound his arrival to one and all…and suddenly with all the energy he could muster…he made the sweetest sound in the world. That first sound shall always stay with me. He announced his arrival in such a grand regal way, I got to hold him but for a mt., before the nurse put him in the incubator. Please pray for him is what the Dr. said. And I did, but I also knew. my son would survive it all, he wanted to be with me and was thus always in a hurry ….to be held by me, to be beside me….to make my family complete, my world complete…
My lil frail child was soon adding pounds much to our joy, and he was oh boy????All that energy, that mischief. He was forever in his own magical world.
Our home peaceful and serene with our prim and proper daughter was now hit by a tornado. Gone were dolls and colours, now there were cars, jeeps and Lego blocks.
If a broom could make the witch fly, why could he not do so, If a clown could have multicolored faces he must too. Our pet dog Tootsie was his energy tester, he would sleep beside him, hold his tail to take him on his toes and balance him. His world was complete with his simple vocabulary….ma, for mamma, da for dada, di for didi[elder sis] and C for Tootsie.
He related to my husband for the thrills boys needed. My husband a pilot always had to tell him how he flew his sortie. Air crashes he wanted to know all about and always felt the thrill to the word Crash…often wondering if his dad would ever crash. He looked up to his father as all boys do for how to interact with others, and I knew my husband was, is a good father and the best example for my son to follow in life. But me, as a mother I had a role too, to teach him how he should treat a girl right, to respect women, so that he nurtures better relationships. But my baby at that age was past understanding my worries. So simple and make believe was his world which had excitement and thrill only. No sadness no tears, only the fun of living at his pace.
Our abode where nothing was out of place now had sticky fingers on walls, rugs and pillows. Life was not the same there was too much activity…but there was also lots of laughter, love and mischief…My world was complete, there was a sense of balance. Having a daughter and a son had given me the sense of completeness I wanted.
Watching my kids hugging each other and sleeping without any worry and fear, my lips would say a silent prayer.
Their innocence and joy I knew would not last, as they would move in
Life to make their place…while their world would grow, mine always will be limited to them.
My lil frail child was soon adding pounds much to our joy, and he was oh boy????All that energy, that mischief. He was forever in his own magical world.
Our home peaceful and serene with our prim and proper daughter was now hit by a tornado. Gone were dolls and colours, now there were cars, jeeps and Lego blocks.
If a broom could make the witch fly, why could he not do so, If a clown could have multicolored faces he must too. Our pet dog Tootsie was his energy tester, he would sleep beside him, hold his tail to take him on his toes and balance him. His world was complete with his simple vocabulary….ma, for mamma, da for dada, di for didi[elder sis] and C for Tootsie.
He related to my husband for the thrills boys needed. My husband a pilot always had to tell him how he flew his sortie. Air crashes he wanted to know all about and always felt the thrill to the word Crash…often wondering if his dad would ever crash. He looked up to his father as all boys do for how to interact with others, and I knew my husband was, is a good father and the best example for my son to follow in life. But me, as a mother I had a role too, to teach him how he should treat a girl right, to respect women, so that he nurtures better relationships. But my baby at that age was past understanding my worries. So simple and make believe was his world which had excitement and thrill only. No sadness no tears, only the fun of living at his pace.
Our abode where nothing was out of place now had sticky fingers on walls, rugs and pillows. Life was not the same there was too much activity…but there was also lots of laughter, love and mischief…My world was complete, there was a sense of balance. Having a daughter and a son had given me the sense of completeness I wanted.
Watching my kids hugging each other and sleeping without any worry and fear, my lips would say a silent prayer.
Their innocence and joy I knew would not last, as they would move in
Life to make their place…while their world would grow, mine always will be limited to them.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Understanding Life
When i was young my mum told me this....God gave you this life so that u could grow your soul...and one can do this only with one's goodness and values. As i moved ahead in life trying to understand it and grow not only in years but also as a human being, did this one statement start making sense.I got married at the age of 18, my dream world was left behind and i walked into a new home with a new meaning to life. I learnt to accept responsibility of the relationship i had walked into. I started living life the way i was expected to, making my new families beliefs, wants, dreams my own. Was it easy ..oh no? it was like peeling an onion everyday. Discovering something new about the relationships that i had, I in turn started discovering my self through my reaction to situations. Sometimes the peels would make u cry but life continued. Soon i had my first born,then onwards, everyday, everything was a miracle, childbirth in itself was one.Life started being lived. I was learning to live outside myself without even realizing i was doing so.Each tommorrow was becoming so different from a yesterday lived.When i laughed at the new joys life was offering i laughed like hell. My onion had a new peel, i discovered the tears were shed with joy. Life looked different through my own eyes. I started unconsciously figuring out what i wanted to be as a parent, my mom's saying then came into being..i was hoping to elevate my soul, and i started living inside this hope.All because i wanted to make life worthwhile for my daughter..it had to be contagious..for her to be able to see everyday as new day..Life was coming to a full circle. I was learning to make a life not by what i had got, but by what i was giving. The journey of self discovery continues...Each day is finally being lived like it is my last..the way my mum wanted me to, the way my daughter could follow if she chose to.
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