Today is one of those days when I am truly wondering. Why did God make Husbands? Much as I love, respect Joe, there are days like today that I encounter and ponder on the same question…. From Newly weds we have become Old weds, galloped, walked, trudged 32 years together, yet am astounded by the number of times I have felt Oddly wed.
Do we really suit each other I ask Joe...and he says…Yes, actually more, if you had been the Neighbors wife...And I really do feel that I should seriously live next door.
Sometimes, I wish that he dance to my tune, than I to His….and then I realize we end up dancing to the duets we create.
We have an argument, and he says lets not go to bed, being mad at each other…and I want to retort back..... Yes, Joe I would love to stay awake and fight and resolve issues, but then I sleep off…over the issue as well.
I say Joe, you never listen to me. And he replies of course I do, how else I would reply to this…… [Sigh]
Joe you do not understand me, I say……and he says, No, I do, that’s why I am going for a walk.
Joe how can you always forget such small things…and Poonam how can you remember such small things and get mad… [I am stumped]
I say Joe, will you ever give me a surprise….and he says.... I am surprised, knowing me you still are looking for surprises….
Poonam what do you understand about money or finances…..how to spend it Joe, I say…..
I was looking for you, he says and I say Look after me, but please do not look for me, when I am gossiping with friends over the phone…. [Always falls on deaf ears.]
And so the journey together continues........
Me looking for him to change, and he wondering why did I change.
Sometimes I wish he would talk, and sometimes I am glad he is silent...
He looks at the world with eyes wide open and me with eyes half shut,
He leaves the windows open when goes to sleep, and I draw the curtains,
He looks at the big picture, and I look at the little things…..
Two sides of the coin we are, thankfully the same...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
EXPECTATIONS .......
What is with life and relationships these days? Everybody seems to be embittered.
Why are we so high in expectations on everybody else but ourselves? Nirupama Pathak was a case in point which really got me thinking about relationships between parents and children…this relationship for sure is going through a transition, and maybe vanishing with uncertainty and expectation.
We keep saying the modern generation children are failing their parents……why do we not think once that are parents not failing their children too. Why do we parents give our children wings, when we ourselves have not learnt to fly yet? Should we not as parents fulfill our own expectations of ourselves than start expecting from our children. So bound are we parents by our own values, our beliefs that we at times refuse to make the change in our attitude to life.
We give our kids the best of education, wanting them to excel in everything in life, always wanting them to do the right thing, hoping, praying that they imbibe by the values we set for them, setting high standards for them …thus doing everything right in life…and we as parents forget…that they are human beings in their own right, they shall make their own mistakes sometimes unobserved in life’s fast pace, and maybe learn from those mistakes. Much as our life is ours, their life is theirs too.
In life most of the things we do is because our parents did it that way, or so is the norm of the society...the society which too is formed by us. We parents have become Modern…but we have also become skeptical. We feel, our way is the best, no other way shall work for our children. So firm are we in our mindset that any other way but ours brings us disappointment. Our expectations have to be met in a set way…or else it shall only bring us disappointment…forgetting that expectation is not meant to be without disappointment. Instead of being so sensitive to our own needs as parents should we not just let them make their mistakes, [No, I do not advocate sex before marriage, or teen pregnancies and all other choices that the younger generation makes.]
But should we as parents try not judging them and do what we as parents can do best…give them love especially when they donot deserve it,give unconditional love so that no young life is lonely in their darkest hours of crisis.
Why are we so high in expectations on everybody else but ourselves? Nirupama Pathak was a case in point which really got me thinking about relationships between parents and children…this relationship for sure is going through a transition, and maybe vanishing with uncertainty and expectation.
We keep saying the modern generation children are failing their parents……why do we not think once that are parents not failing their children too. Why do we parents give our children wings, when we ourselves have not learnt to fly yet? Should we not as parents fulfill our own expectations of ourselves than start expecting from our children. So bound are we parents by our own values, our beliefs that we at times refuse to make the change in our attitude to life.
We give our kids the best of education, wanting them to excel in everything in life, always wanting them to do the right thing, hoping, praying that they imbibe by the values we set for them, setting high standards for them …thus doing everything right in life…and we as parents forget…that they are human beings in their own right, they shall make their own mistakes sometimes unobserved in life’s fast pace, and maybe learn from those mistakes. Much as our life is ours, their life is theirs too.
In life most of the things we do is because our parents did it that way, or so is the norm of the society...the society which too is formed by us. We parents have become Modern…but we have also become skeptical. We feel, our way is the best, no other way shall work for our children. So firm are we in our mindset that any other way but ours brings us disappointment. Our expectations have to be met in a set way…or else it shall only bring us disappointment…forgetting that expectation is not meant to be without disappointment. Instead of being so sensitive to our own needs as parents should we not just let them make their mistakes, [No, I do not advocate sex before marriage, or teen pregnancies and all other choices that the younger generation makes.]
But should we as parents try not judging them and do what we as parents can do best…give them love especially when they donot deserve it,give unconditional love so that no young life is lonely in their darkest hours of crisis.
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