Wednesday, April 29, 2009


I am sitting in my balcony, watching the thunder showers, the palm trees swaying and feeling the drizzle on my face. I am letting all the beauty of nature sink in, capturing it with my eyes, in my mind. I love the rain, but I hate the mess, it leaves behind, the muddy water, the potholes full of water, the insects , the mosquitoes…..and I tell myself…Why, Why, am I like this, Why can I not look at the brighter side of life, and ignore the dark side. Life is so full of Whys……..and I ask my self...

Why….is it that sometimes, silence makes more noise than Thunder?

Why……do I think faster than I speak? My words never seem to keep up with my thoughts.

Why……do I see some of my friends who are so God fearing, humble, pious suffer?

Why……do I plan my tomorrow, when I try living everyday as my last?

Why……can I not take each day as it comes?

Why…….do I struggle to understand life in parts, when it must be understood in totality?

Why…….can I not be loved as I have loved?

Why……I love compliments, but do not know how to accept them?

Why……do I not accept things for what they are? I see things more clearly in my dreams, than when I am awake?

Why… do I want to know all, when ignorance is bliss?

Why… do I get baffled by reality and difficulties?

Why….do I spoil what I have, by desiring what I do not?

Why… I look back on life and have regrets?

This constant hankering of Why is ridiculous. The more I seek for answers the more elusive it gets. Strange and paradoxical it is…..the heart asks and the heart answers. but why do I not get the right answers .Maybe, if I changed my attitude, I would view life differently ?

Monday, April 20, 2009


With encouragement from Solilo, Just call me A.....Here I am, trying my hand at my so called poetry sgain...Like A said...Aim for the sky , here I am ....doing just that.

Sing and Dance with Me….
Will You?
Together we shall sway
To the tunes life plays

Me and You
Hand in hand,
Making life seem
Nothing But Grand

I shall be unselfish and Kind
And you forever shall share
All that’s there, on your mind.

Sharing Together we shall
Walk thru life,
You as My Man and
Me as Your Wife.

Dancing to each others tune,
We shall create a life
Filled with Love,
And Heavens shall smile
From above.

Sunday, April 19, 2009


Living in an empty nest, sometimes my mind does drift on to the days when we had our house full, the days would fly away, what with my daughter and son around…where did the years go? How did time fly away so fast? I never saw the hidden wings of time and neither did I see the kids grow up to be adults.
While they were there, all the noise in the house would drive me mad…..and now when they are settled in their own happy lives and world…it’s the silence that drives me mad.

I miss the times when my now adult kids were kids, children living in their own free world. enriching my life, turning my smile into laughter. With them around besides being the parent I was also the child…..

Those were the days….I get nostalgic….
I remember the times, when I would take them to the park, in the merry go round, they would always wave when they crossed me, and I would always wave back…the sense of being acknowledged every time, was so momentous…My body was with me, but my heart was on that merry go round…..

And the piggy back rides….I was glad they grew up, for this ….and then I realized to my horror my 5 year old son wanted to take me piggy back…so there I was trailing on his shoulders, my arms around him, my legs dragging slowly, me all smiles and then he turned around and said the cutest thing……’’Mumma you are not heavy, I can carry you forever’’…

My little boy who till now I loved to carry around was getting to be grown up enough to shoulder me and the world….Happiness and joy soon was taken over by tears…My daughter watching me cry, just came and sat next to me and put her hand over mine…and I cried even more. When I looked at her, she patted my hand and said ….”Okay enough, now Go wash your face”

And then we had to teach them to ride a bicycle…..I wanted to protect them from the fall, so would always hold on to the bicycle and keep balancing …Till my wiser ones said … ‘But mumma, we have to be set free to learn to balance ourselves.’ One of those teary moments again, with the realization…that they shall forever need the support, but also the freedom.

Playing hide and seek was my favorite game, that gave me minutes to rest, unseen , in my quiet corner, so there I was behind the door standing with my eyes shut, and my daughter finds me, and says… “Why stand in a corner, if it scares you? Come hide behind the sofa.”

And the one time they were quarrelling ….I said “okay now”…my daughter interrupts and says … “yes, we will stop before you say 3”……She was an angel, who came out with questions , that made me fumble, and mumble…Everyday at the end of the day she would sum me up as mother…something I looked forward to, one day would end with me being the scolding mum, and the other day she would tell me you were a kissing mum today…..and one day she said Today you have been a scoldy kissy mum…I cherish this Compliment from my little one, who is now managing her own little one.

One time during the day, my little son had his pudgy arms behind his head, and he was just resting in that regal posture of his, with a very content look, which only kids can have. I walked past and asked him, ‘what are you up to….Mumma I am day dreaming’’ Dreaming with eyes open? I asked. ‘Yes mumma, it is day, so my eyes are open. You can do that too, sit here with me…..Wow, my son taught me, to dream with my eyes open…..and this realization was followed with another teary moment.

My faith in my son has remained unchallenged. He tells me...Mumma do not think I am simple and na├»ve, because you will get hurt otherwise……. [And I look at the handsome young man standing in front of me and think to my self…..My son , raising you has been most fulfilling, with you I played the games I never was allowed to as a girl, I being a woman lived your ideas, ambitions and aspirations…and stepped out into a man’s mind, his world…… All I did then was get up and give him my big mumma hug…only this time he was embarrassed……Yes, my son was grown up enough to feel shy with mumma hugs.

My little lady is a mother herself. She shares the squeals of her daughter with me and mine are mixed with hers too, making me happier than ever. My little girl, my gender partner, my treasure, my extension has grown up to be my best friend.....We are like two volumes of the same book……..

All this and many more, I have deposits in my memory bank. The kids have outgrown my lap, but not my heart. They say they are grown up….Yes, they have grown older, bigger, they are adults…..but they have always been my kids, and will be my kids. They were and are my greatest pride, accomplishment and joy.

The nest is empty, but the heart is full. And the mind, it is never empty; I am never alone in my thoughts. I love them for who they are and more so for what they have grown to be. We are chained with love…..only our language differs…it’s a full circle…. Now they speak from their mind and I from my heart. I cannot hold them in my arms now, but in my heart I always do.

Friday, April 17, 2009


The days have gone by, and I have not been feeling too well.
Got up this morning, wanting to try my hand at poetry....The words came, all jumbled, Is it the medicines, or is it the fatigue I feel in my bones...but I did try to pen.....MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT POETRY, if it is one

Lying on my bed,
I stare at the ceiling,
The fan moving at its own pace
Never tiring…….

My sweat I do not feel
Eyelids drop
And I see you
Thru my blurred vision.

You stand there
Looking at me, smiling
Oh that smile, just meant for me

I close my eyes,
Wanting to capture you in them forever
And all I know is that it is just
You and Me, Together

I see us walking on the beach,
Our feet wet in the sand,
We watch the sunset, hand in hand

The sea breeze,
Sends chills down my spine
I am so glad you are mine

I open my eyes,
To see your gentle look
It’s all but a dream….
That I mistook………..

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Living My Today.........

I woke up this morning; Today……wanting not to repeat the same mistake as Yesterday……… I decided to capture my Today , moment to moment., accept it as now, and not let any moment pass by.

Like I did it to my Yesterday, I decided not to devote it to any one thing …and so here I am ….all happy, not holding on to any dream, thanking God that I am alive to see my Today, with open eyes, something I rarely seem to do. I shall hold on to my Today with enthusiasm, living it with my best foot forward. Today……I will flow with the tide. Or against it…dancing with it….and see which way my Today sweeps me…..

I am going to treat my Today as the first day of my life…and maybe then I shall make the most of it for once, than letting it slip out of my hands, like I always have done.

Are these thoughts because of my Yesterday? A yesterday that went by and I did not even seem to notice. Will wanting to live my Today, contradict my Yesterday? Oh well I am not going to let my Yesterday, takeover my Today. …so beyond Today I am not going to look, and not loose it just because I have a yesterday, and tomorrow is coming.

Thinking of the unseen tomorrow,I get the blues. And I tend to get depressed when I think of Yesterday, gone by... I have spent life piling up so much on these two days, thus neglecting my Today. These two days together, have some how sapped my poor Today of its joys. And I have helplessly, unknowingly stood by letting my Today die, fly away with its unseen wings.

My Today is going to be my canvas, and I shall paint it with all the hues I hold. It shall live, for as long as I want it to, and so shall I with it…….

Friday, April 3, 2009

SOUL MATES.............

Down the hill S went…..H followed

S like the dark clouds

H the rainbow behind them

‘I want to be you H’ said S

‘But why? Nobody would notice me, if not for you S

Together we are a roller coaster of emotions

So wherever you Sadness shall go, me Happiness shall follow’

My Second attempt at 55er. I am liking the attempt to say a lot with few words

A literary work will be considered 55 Fiction if it has:

• Fifty-five words or less (A non-negotiable rule)

• A setting,

• One or more characters,

• Some conflict, and

• A resolution. (Not limited to moral of the story)

[Image courtsey case of objection , image will be removed ]

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


Do I live only to eat?????? I ask myself. Why is it that I must stop every once a while…and be a scavenger…looking out for food to eat, in the pantry,in the store, in the fridge….I look at the fresh red tomatoes, the carrots….and they all seem so inviting. I hear them telling me..I am tasty…u will love me, so take me please. And then as if in a trance...I move towards them...grab them and love them for being so right about them selves.

From the corner of my eye I see that pack of my favorite chips…nodding at me, and I nod back saying...yes it is your turn next…..but you shall have to wait, because I have to muster the courage to stop at one….
Why does my belly rule my mind, and why do I always get attracted towards food that is good for the taste buds only… a foodie sinner….I pick the wrong ones, the ones that are palatable.

I have noticed that when am munching those chips...I have this stupid smile pasted on me….its like the cat who has had her stolen pot of milk….And all my worries[?]…… they seem to be going down, with every bite….

Fruits I love too. They help me in dealing with my guilt with my love for junk food. I love the green sweet and sour apples, [really?, says Joe. but then love is blind, and am in love with food] the strawberries, wow, how can one eat them, when they look so cute and innocent, but I try,…The grapes, I pick them and love the green they have…..wonder if anyone has noticed, they have the best ones on top of the bunch, so I eat them top to bottom, telling myself that I have the best till the last

Some days I decide, it's health food day. I must eat intelligently. Especially on those cold wintry or rainy days, I get this thought…and so nothing means more soothing than a cup of soup…with French fries[?] or a hot cup of green tea…with nuggets{?}Hot baked vegetables……with cheesy white sauce {?}. Or just plain dal chawal....and fresh green coriander……..and ghee {?}

Opposites do attract…so why does cream come to my mind when I think of cherries, Fresh veggie sandwich and I think of honey garlic mustard with mayonnaise? No red meat…but white…with mashed potatoes. Wow…the thought of these nutrient rich fruits and vegetables… makes me hungry.

The diversity of food, has made living pretty easy...Food and everything related with food, I love... the fridge, the store, the kitchen, the restaurants, I love to cook as much as I love to be fed . I am an explorer of food…food keeps me happy and pleasant…and is that not what one aims for in life……Besides getting happiness from the variety of food. ..I feel great when I see the happy faces of my friends and family, all eating together, having wonderful conversations ….with laughter…food sure tastes the best at times like this…junk or nutrient.