Thursday, May 29, 2008

Its A son..oh boy??

My family was finally complete when our son was born, was it easy having him…oh no. while he was all excited to view the world, my doctor and self took all measures to hold him in my womb. Every month was full of stress, he would kick, move, jump..All to get out and be held at my bosom…but it was too early, so I went on bed rest. Holding him close to myself, and praying. God please take care of my baby. and my daughter adding up… it has to be brother[bhai] ur tummy jumps too much….she wanted a brother so much and we wanted a healthy baby, since nothing was going right with this pregnancy. And finally in my eighth month, after our tug of war, stay in, no want to get out. my child won and …Our son was born….I saw him, with the cord, his frail chest pumping, up and down, like he was trying to breathe and sound his arrival to one and all…and suddenly with all the energy he could muster…he made the sweetest sound in the world. That first sound shall always stay with me. He announced his arrival in such a grand regal way, I got to hold him but for a mt., before the nurse put him in the incubator. Please pray for him is what the Dr. said. And I did, but I also knew. my son would survive it all, he wanted to be with me and was thus always in a hurry ….to be held by me, to be beside me….to make my family complete, my world complete…
My lil frail child was soon adding pounds much to our joy, and he was oh boy????All that energy, that mischief. He was forever in his own magical world.
Our home peaceful and serene with our prim and proper daughter was now hit by a tornado. Gone were dolls and colours, now there were cars, jeeps and Lego blocks.
If a broom could make the witch fly, why could he not do so, If a clown could have multicolored faces he must too. Our pet dog Tootsie was his energy tester, he would sleep beside him, hold his tail to take him on his toes and balance him. His world was complete with his simple vocabulary….ma, for mamma, da for dada, di for didi[elder sis] and C for Tootsie.
He related to my husband for the thrills boys needed. My husband a pilot always had to tell him how he flew his sortie. Air crashes he wanted to know all about and always felt the thrill to the word Crash…often wondering if his dad would ever crash. He looked up to his father as all boys do for how to interact with others, and I knew my husband was, is a good father and the best example for my son to follow in life. But me, as a mother I had a role too, to teach him how he should treat a girl right, to respect women, so that he nurtures better relationships. But my baby at that age was past understanding my worries. So simple and make believe was his world which had excitement and thrill only. No sadness no tears, only the fun of living at his pace.
Our abode where nothing was out of place now had sticky fingers on walls, rugs and pillows. Life was not the same there was too much activity…but there was also lots of laughter, love and mischief…My world was complete, there was a sense of balance. Having a daughter and a son had given me the sense of completeness I wanted.
Watching my kids hugging each other and sleeping without any worry and fear, my lips would say a silent prayer.
Their innocence and joy I knew would not last, as they would move in
Life to make their place…while their world would grow, mine always will be limited to them.

Monday, May 12, 2008

my child, my teacher

The first eye contact with my child is something I will always cherish. Her lips had formed the letter O, and her eyes held mine for sometime, as if telling me…. So I belong to u, I am an extension of u. My eyes had got all misty and hers seemed so much focused on me. All that innocence, the look of bewilderment has always stayed with me…and then as if her look tugged my face towards her. I gave her my gentle kiss on her tiny lips. My world seemed so right, so perfect. All the physical and emotional pain was taken away with that one look. In that one look I had a new word to me..MOM.
From a day old she turned to be a month old, the months kept adding and I felt more love than I could possibly know. The days were busy days, but they were filled with laughs and smiles, she was there to command and I was there to obey. Her simple needs and wants were spoken in her unique way. Whimper when uneasy, laugh when happy, rub your eyes when sleepy, and wake up with a stretch and smile. Her needs were few and so basic. There never was a dull moment.
My amazing lil being grew to be six months old, and she wanted to explore the house on her plump lil belly. I never understood what did the trick for her to flay her arms in the air, push the floor with her tiny feet and waddle, and then she would preen at something on the floor… which would follow with a laugh from within. My lil one gave me my first lesson…I learnt to laugh from within, life was full of surprises, and every surprise had to be greeted with bewilderment and laughter. My precious gift from God was unknowingly becoming my teacher.
The months were turning into years, and my lil one was Columbus every day..on her own discovery, of her territory , where she saw no dangers, no fear…..and she showed complete trust in my husband and me.
Shapes, figures, flowers and trees, the sky and water all that I had learnt to view in my way was not mine anymore. I saw them thru her eyes, our bewildered looks were so alike. She would pick up a pebble and wanted me to feel it, how could a pebble be soft on one side and rough on another.She would climb afew steps and leap into our arms, there was no fear and total trust that she would be held safely.
I looked at my precious child, who had started her life’s journey with happiness, trust and no fear……something that in my adult years I was seeking .I too as a child must have had all this, when did I let it all go…..the world through my child’s eyes was once again a nicer world. The sense of awe, bewilderment and sheer pleasure of being alive has stayed with me. Life I do not anymore take for granted…… first borne lesson to me I have treasured.

Understanding Life

When i was young my mum told me this....God gave you this life so that u could grow your soul...and one can do this only with one's goodness and values. As i moved ahead in life trying to understand it and grow not only in years but also as a human being, did this one statement start making sense.I got married at the age of 18, my dream world was left behind and i walked into a new home with a new meaning to life. I learnt to accept responsibility of the relationship i had walked into. I started living life the way i was expected to, making my new families beliefs, wants, dreams my own. Was it easy ..oh no? it was like peeling an onion everyday. Discovering something new about the relationships that i had, I in turn started discovering my self through my reaction to situations. Sometimes the peels would make u cry but life continued. Soon i had my first born,then onwards, everyday, everything was a miracle, childbirth in itself was one.Life started being lived. I was learning to live outside myself without even realizing i was doing so.Each tommorrow was becoming so different from a yesterday lived.When i laughed at the new joys life was offering i laughed like hell. My onion had a new peel, i discovered the tears were shed with joy. Life looked different through my own eyes. I started unconsciously figuring out what i wanted to be as a parent, my mom's saying then came into being..i was hoping to elevate my soul, and i started living inside this hope.All because i wanted to make life worthwhile for my had to be contagious..for her to be able to see everyday as new day..Life was coming to a full circle. I was learning to make a life not by what i had got, but by what i was giving. The journey of self discovery continues...Each day is finally being lived like it is my last..the way my mum wanted me to, the way my daughter could follow if she chose to.