Wednesday, May 27, 2009


It’s a new day…I am telling my self, but it just does not seem so….what’s with me, why am I like this? Just the beginning of the day and my thoughts are not too bright…I am sure this day is going to be longer than others.

I am focusing only on the gray in my life…....the gray like the cloudy weather shall pass on too and my energy, my flexibility shall come back, I tell myself.…I look around and I see only the withered tree, I look at my bedside table and see the withered rose from yesterday…...guess my lousy mood has come to stay for the day…

I try hard to smile it away…I look at the pictures of my children, randomly placed all over the house, snatches of the years gone by… …my moods I am trying to balance, trying to cross of the bad, the negative, trying to find something to smile, my thoughts waver….so I put on music……they say music provides you power…but here I am connecting my mood to the verses…..I am tired, miserable and edgy…the perfect person to stay away from, says my Husband .

I decide I shall be a couch potato today, so do some channel surfing…I look at the screen all pensive and in a vacant mood…. and see our PM…...poor guy he too is struggling to smile… what with all the arm twisting, he is surrounded by the so called selfless wanting to serve the country till their selfish needs, dreams, aspirations are met….These parties full of individuals, have been talking of bringing about positive changes in the country, but not in themselves. ..….I switch channels, and start viewing Hanstey Raho….and I finally smile when I hear….”People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke”

Friday, May 22, 2009


Standing in my balcony, I notice these three puppies playing, wagging their tails.…not one person has gone by without these puppies walking up to them, sniffing and wagging their tails and all the people passing by are giving them smiles …instant connection these puppies have made with their human friends. All they did is wag their tails. …in their language indicating they are happy…..and, these puppies have turned strangers into friends.

The guard trying to shoo them away is also doing it so half heartedly…he came to them with a frown, and now his frown is a confused one. Thanks to his unwilling smile.

And me, standing here, looking at them, am all smiles…these little puppies helped me start my day with a smile……a smile does travel a mile eh???

The normally grouchy old man sitting in the lawn reading his newspaper, I notice has pushed his reading glasses down to his chin, no more is he interested in the latest happenings in the world…but has decided to take notice of the happenings around him….and there, wow he too is smiling…the same smile like me… ….The puppies have discovered something of interest, and the old man has found the puppies interesting. He notices me watching from the balcony, and nods, and ….smiles. I smile right back, and I wonder…….Why is it that we are so hesitant smiling when all that a smile does …….. Inspire another smile

The warmth of old mans smile could not be measured, it started from his lips, reached his eyes and heart…and Unlocked my heart…..
… came from him to me, and went back to him…..

The puppies left, maybe to spread their warmth else where, and I got back to my own work….but the smile stayed. My husband walked in and gave me one look, and asked...What have you been up to…u are smiling for no reason ?.....and he was smiling too…….I laughed….my smile had just burst, and I said a silent prayer. Thank you God for giving me the ability to smile for no apparent reason… I should wear my smile more often…..the world looks brighter and my soul feels refreshed.

The grouchy old man…I know will never be grouchy when I see him next, the ice had been broken, the boundaries between us had melt…and the distance between two human beings had reduced…my day would sure end well, what with the power of smile, that the puppies in their innocence had bought to me.

Monday, May 18, 2009


You are 24 today….Happy Birthday Son…….Time indeed flies…Gone is the mischief, your spider man antics, bruised knees, cut fingers, band aids, soiled clothes, ruffled hair, mischievous grin, Lego, bat and ball, hugs and cuddles, and tucking you in bed at night………..

Your growing years were full of exciting, funny antics….The times you were naughty, I could not even lock you up in the bathroom. The one time I did, u smartly started having a bath, singing at the top of your voice. All I could do then was laugh…
You my son, had learnt early to make the best of the worst…

Your dad was your hero, your favorite toy….you would jump on him, do cartwheels when in his arms, grunt like Tarzan and always wanted piggy- back rides. You wanted him to run with you, race with you, and he would mostly let you win just to see that smile on your face…and the times you would lose…..the smile was still there. And I knew then that my son you would take failure too in your stride…your joy at winning was not for yourself alone.

When out on walks by yourself, you always came back with those stray puppies…my lil pied piper walking with his army of stray dogs, all wagging their little tails, knowing they were invited for dinner… showed compassion and care at that young an age…and I my son would watch with mixed emotions and misty eyes, Knowing that you had it in you to grow up right.

You wanted to become a cop...That was your goal, and I watched you with pride giving your best to make your dream come true. You put in hard work, and all I could do was pray. A cop you have become, you have accomplished what you wanted.
I know for sure, you will be able to differentiate between right and wrong, show compassion to the old and tenderness to the young, and happiness and success shall always come your way.

I look at you, and I realize…Strong yet Gentle, Full of care and compassion, that’s you my son. You might not move mountains, or change the world…but you surely do get moved by life and people, and get touched by their struggles…and then yes, son, you make an effort to touch lives and change them for the better in your own gentle way. ….

From being a great boy, you have turned to be a great young man, outgrown my lap, but not my heart. As I sit and write this, I remember the years have gone by like moments. You are all grown up, but still my little boy. You still have the coooooool smile and the twinkle in your eyes.

Gone is the time when I could give you needless kisses, but son I can always say it aloud…I love you…honestly, madly, respectfully. I shed tears not of sorrow, but of joy and pride, for the wonderful, human being you have turned out to be. Life shall offer you dreams, worries, regrets, happiness ...and I know you shall take it all in your stride...

My regret today….no more hugs and wet kisses, messy nose, no cradling you….sometimes I guess you should forget how big, and tall you are and just get into my lap….Love you Son, for all that you are Today, and all that you will be Tomorrow…My son, My sonshine, My star……….

And just the other day I was reading my previous post

Time indeed does fly.

Thursday, May 14, 2009


A friend of mine has been coaxing me into joining The Art of Living. Much As I respect the teachings and methods of such a course, I find no need to take it. To me the art of living can not be preached, but it can only be learnt and realized from within.

Living is an art, there will be stress, unhappiness, sadness, but then there also is joy, happiness, laughter and all that is positive to view. I myself have to have the mental and emotional clarity to be able to take the good with the bad, happiness with sadness, pessimism followed with optimism and so on.

Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. It is full of surprises, sometimes there is more sadness and less happiness, but then we have to know how to make the best of both. You have to be able to stand firm and take all that life bestows, the expected and the unexpected.

What is the Art of Living to me, I have been asking my self. Have I learnt from my mistakes? Am I a pessimist? Do I keep seeking more, than be satisfied with what I have…questions galore…but one thing I know for sure, I am mostly a happy fun loving person. I always find something to laugh about. If God was to ask me to make some changes in my life would I want to live this Life again……YES, I say. I have a few regrets, I would do something’s differently, but I would want to live this life again and again…..The changes I would make are within my own self, but not ever would I change my family, my friends, my life…I have it all… mastering the Art of Living. What does the Art of Living mean to me….in my Quest to understand myself……?

Art of Living to me is…….

Living one day at a time. I live to live, knowing one day I shall die. But as long as I am living, death does not concern me, because when death does come I shall not be alive. If I live well, I know I shall die well too.

I try not to cling on to the sadness more than I cling onto happiness. Happiness and sadness are like children, who you have to let go when they grow up.

All that I have today is, all that I had hoped for yesterday…….so I cherish my today.

When faced with sadness, deep within me I know Happiness shall follow, as I have seen in life the two always balance each other.

I have discovered the capacity within me to enjoy the simple things, feel deeply not for myself only, be needed, and give happiness when ever needed.

I have learnt to laugh at myself more than I laugh at others. My best jokes are directed at myself and this always gets me heartwarming laughter.

To me the art of living is to make the good out of the bad. I firmly believe that whatever happens happens for the best.

I try never to go to bed angry, resentful or mad. What comes with today goes with today. I do get mad, but I also get over it.

My ego. I have realized, always shuts me from people when ever it raises its hood. I am learning to surrender it. It can be big, but am learning to move beyond it. ..Relationships I have realized cannot be built and conflicts not resolved with ego.

The years in my life have gone by, but am glad I gradually learnt to add life to those years. When I look back, I know living has been worth while.

I am gradually learning who I am, and as long as I do not fully discover myself I am curious. But I know for sure my life does not belong to me alone. I am learning to touch lives with warmth and compassion. I do not want to exist, I want to live.

I have learnt to love solitude. When all is still, I feel no anxiety, loneliness. I look within and I feel more acceptance of myself. My inner peace guides me.

My friends and family I cherish, every interaction with them teaches me a little about myself, a chance to build myself as a better human being. They give me trust and joy and make my life rich and abundant.

My soul guides me and my heart tells me that if it is the source of worry, contentment also rises from there. The choices I make, the reactions I give, will define the human being that I am…Yes, am slowly but steadily mastering the art of living…my way at my pace. The overall picture of my life shall be the way I paint it. The way I live it.

Friday, May 8, 2009

A Viewpoint .... GOD AND TEMPLES

This is in response to Solilo, who had responded to my previous post on Understanding ....

I had said I would publish THIS FORWARD...send to me by mom.

I am not a temple goer on a regular basis, but neither am I against it. To each his my Belief. The ways to get peace of mind differ.

Kahlil Gibran has summed this up beautifully....“I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of One Religion, and it is the spirit.''

The Forward....[source unknown] follows:

'Devotee' temple goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to the Temple . 'I've gone for 30 years now, he wrote, and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 mantras. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the Gurus are wasting theirs by giving services at all.

This started a real controversy in the 'Letters to the Editor' column, much to the delight of the editor.. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this... They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to the Temple for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today! When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!

Thursday, May 7, 2009


Life has gone by, looking for answers, seeking peace, living up to expectations, trying to do the right thing... …I have always been bound by somebody’s wisdom, their theory, their belief, their opinion…making my life a mimicry of the ones who touched my life.
I am always trying to be the person I’d like to be, never taking a moment to wonder to think the person I am, who too was born with my brain, along with the face God gave me, wanting me to live my life the way I chose..

There is always a desire, to be in charge of myself, to be my own person. To discover am I more than I realize? One life is all I have. I believe in living it.
Before anyone else tells me who am I, I need to find out for myself. I need to see myself thru my own eyes than thru others. I do need to discover myself, take my life in my own hands and see what happens. So I shall try to discover myself thru My Beliefs…and shall pen them ….

Today…. My Beliefs on My God, My Religion….

I live life with God in every thought. He has no shape, no face, no Religion. He is there in nature, in all Human Beings. When I see Good I know He is there, when I see Bad and Evil, I know He shall come this way too.

My Religion is personal; it is a way of my life. Yet, becaz my religious experiences are in the form of liberty, faith, generosity, passion, compassion it is easier to express.

Religion to me teaches me to connect with my soul, that’s where My God resides. He is my inner voice, who guides me towards goodness and Righteousness.

My God always rewards me. There is no punishment. When ever I face any darkness in life, He rewards me with Brightness. Light at the end of a dark tunnel, is what My God holds.

My religion encourages me to Grow, so I question, and not adopt to any rationale blindly. With each perspective, I grow in vision and stature. It allows me to respect the views of others how ever different are they to mine.

My religion is always changing shapes, evolving, modifying, never complete or final. My religion and self grow together.

My religion is the recognition of all my duties. I may fail in them, but I never ignore them.

My God is my mysterious motivator. He encourages me to discover the best in the Today that he bestows on me.

My God is more devoted to me than I am to Him. He looks after not only me, but my family and friends. His hand is invisible, yet strong.

My Religion, My God, both reside within me. I do not need to discover them in Temples, Church, and Gurudwara etc.
They reside in my heart and my brain. What I cannot resolve with my brain, I resolve with my heart. They encourage me to love myself first, so that I can love everything and every one around me.
My Religion, My God is not lived through my words, but through my Life.

Saturday, May 2, 2009


My husband often tells me…Why do you think with your heart? Think with your head. Do not turn it into an emotional issue.’ And Now, my daughter tells me the same…’Ma, why do you always think with your heart? Their tone sometimes makes me feel guilty……all for being emotional? This heart vs. head battle is never ending in my house.

It’s not my Menopause that makes me all emotional…This Is Me. The facts of life make me all emotional….and sometimes I express them through my words, but at other times through my sighs, sounds, and mostly through my eyes, which get misty, teary, blurred.

My emotions are always very close to the surface. Is it because I think with my heart? - an organ that just pumps blood. If the heart is the core of human existence. , why do we give it less importance than the head? I think, express, emote, perceive all with my heart. My heart is never in sync with my head

So many times I have seen in life, what my head does not understand, my heart does. It does not ask for logic, analysis…it just understands. The spoken and the unspoken. And then I just act on what it says, sometime impulsively to others, but to me it makes complete sense and sounds right. I let my heart lead the way.

Why are emotions or feelings from the heart not considered logical? What is so ridiculous about thinking from the heart ? The solutions that the heart gives may not always have reasons, but it always does have actions, and more so positive. Because this is where care, pride, joy, love, gratitude nest. And these emotions exist noiselessly….. so quietly they grow with every heartbeat. They swing, swirl and tangle within the heart. The degree of these emotions cannot be measured like the knowledge of the head, but they help in creating the world around me. Only the thoughts from the heart can stir emotions which the head never can.

So Dear Husband and Dear Daughter, I think with my heart because….

My head can confuse me, but my heart never lies to me
My head can hide facts, but my heart exposes them.
My head governs my soul, but my heart connects to it.
My head may know too much, but my heart feels it all.
My head can get all hard, but my heart forever stays soft.
My head can build up words, but it is my heart that phrases them
My head can make me see all, but only the best is captured by my heart.
My head can sometimes make enemies, but my heart always makes friends.
My head can sometimes miss out on Love, but my heart forever conserves it.

Above all…..

My head can only capture images of you my most loved, but my Heart is where you live. While my head constantly worries for you, my heart silently prays. My head measures the distance in kms. between us, but my heart only sees the bridges, giving me the feeling of Oneness.
So my dears, I can ignore the reasoning of the head, but never the feelings of my heart. Yes, I think with my heart not my head… causes no discomfort. For me the feeling of my heart is the existence of my being.