Monday, July 26, 2010


Mum visited me after a long time, and life got interestingly busy. I am now suffering from MODS…i.e. Mommy Overdose Syndrome. While over the years I have aged, I marvel at the fact, my mum has not…every morning I would wake up…and there would be a race to the kitchen… Mum would always win…and then the tug of war would start, she would want to cook for the day…………while I wanted her to relax. The early morning marathon would tire me but not her, finally reasoning helped, but for a few days..till she announced…her limbs were going weak…because of lack of exercise, in other words she needed to work.... so.. I felt I had joined the Day Care....and was under constant Mommy Supervision….

Life for a few days became guerilla warfare. Surely the hand that rocked the cradle was now ruling my turf...and I had no right to complain. I thought my years had taught me a lot, but mums visit made me realize how much more I had to learn. Never did she miss a chance on giving me a piece of advice....and to my horror I realized I needed the so called piece of advice on every thing.

We went to buy vegetables...and there she was taking out so called Fresh onions,[???]. I normally buy the big sized, so there is less to peel,but here was Mommy digging out all the medium sized ones.....before I could start peeling I already was misty eyed.

All the clothes needed to be ironed by my Iron Lady, besides me the Dhobi[washerman] was also yells would make her quietly sneak away with the damp clothes to the ironing board..and there she would be humming her prayers , raising her brows telling me not to disturb her in her prayers…….I could see she was having a great deal of trouble with me in trying to set the errant child right…somewhere deep down I am sure she was enjoying it….And I too was enjoying saying my silent prayers that the years had not slowed her down.

Then there were the never ending visits to the temples….Every God needed to be pleased so that her brood of children and their extended family could be prayed for….Happiness insured for her children in her own way....[I guess I can now sin for life.] I in the bargain also got to discover some beautiful temples…loved the architecture of the Kumbharia Jain temple at Ambaji…the beautiful marble carvings, the peace and the serenity…and the look on my mums face shall always stay with me.

We took a trip to Somnath, something she wanted to. The short holiday did us good. My weight loss plan went to the bin....I always thought being a mother, she understood my unspoken...well she gracefully ignored it... my No’s fell on Deaf ears...I needed to be fed not overfed. Anything that she found tasty had to be fed to her new found Guinea pig..... Me.

The endless stories about life and relationships lived, the gone and the alive…She had so much to tell me, share with me...relatives I never knew existed, were alive in her conversations…and I silently thanked my stars she was not born in the days of the Mahabharata....

The short trip came to an end, and it was time for Mum to go. I am back to my life and she to hers…a warm gush of emotion spreads when I think of all the unselfish day to day things she at her age still does for me and my siblings. I would catch her looking at me and all I could see was pure love.

Everything that she could do for me she did, but she forgot one thing...............sing the lullaby

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


32 years ago, my mum said….in a marriage do not look for Him, to be the right person, first be the right person…Profound words which at 18 did not make sense to me, but always stayed with me. The journey of a new life that I took with Joe has grown step by step, and it is 32 years today……….Life indeed has come a long way…

We had an arranged marriage, but love blossomed with the years sometimes knowingly sometimes unknowingly…its been an adventure we set out on together, discovering each other, loosing one self, sounding like an enemy at times, we met with life’s incidents, some we turned into disasters, some we managed to take lessons from.

Sometimes we went our own separate ways, but realized that all the paths we took finally did lead to each other... We tried changing each other and over the years realized, that unknowingly we had adapted to each others way. Some times my ego took a bashing and sometimes his, but silently the ego was sacrificed…to each of us, our inner worth was visible, taken for granted at times, but at other times respected.

When did we stop asking each other for our best, to giving each other our best, speaking our mind…knowing the other will understand the feeling behind the harsh words? Words that shall not create tension or conflict but harmony, we have learnt to understand the unspoken behind the spoken. From feeling some days how can I live with him, he has become the person I can not live without.

The vows we took 32 years ago have matured slowly, the vows alone have not held us together for 32 years…it’s the little and big incidents, its standing together shoulder to shoulder when life gave the chills, yet giving each other space and independence. With eyes wide open and half shut at times we continue this journey of life………As somebody rightly said………. We have come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly

Friday, June 11, 2010

WE MOVED..............

We...Joe and Self moved to Gujarat, Ahmedabad. Moving for sure is no more simple. All my life when we were in the Defence,it was easy, every two years or so, very rarely less,we would set to do our share of Bharat Darshan, see new places, make new friends, making a home every where we went, leaving a part of our heart behind. Then changed countries, got back to where we felt we belonged.

This move from Bangalore to Ahmedabad has been tough more so with the heartaches the packer and movers gave us.Broken stuff, delayed delivery had it all.Aggarwal Packers and Movers never again.

Landing here the heat hurt, but the atitude of the people, warmed us. This city rocks.I get a pleasant surprise every day.Broad roads, no power cuts, running water and so very gracious people. After having lived in these so called cosmopolitan cities Delhi, Chennai, Bangalore....the 'Autorickshaw walas'were a compete NO, NO....I never had the will or energy to travel in them. Joe would always end up taking them to the Police Station, what with faulty meters, excessive fares, and Bad attitudes. Here they let you sit in the AutoRickshaw first, and even if one has to travel half a mile, they willingly take you and yes all through the meter reading. Not one Auto wala has said faulty meter...I salute this breed of Service Providers.
'Ben' [Behen, Sister]thats what everybody calls you, I am actually starting to forget my name......

I now understand what a good Govt. can do...From one BJP run state to another I have come.And what a difference,no half a day power cuts, no narrow roads, no traffic jams... if this is what India is capable of, if this is what Growing India is,....I am so proud to be Indian.I love this place already.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Today is one of those days when I am truly wondering. Why did God make Husbands? Much as I love, respect Joe, there are days like today that I encounter and ponder on the same question…. From Newly weds we have become Old weds, galloped, walked, trudged 32 years together, yet am astounded by the number of times I have felt Oddly wed.

Do we really suit each other I ask Joe...and he says…Yes, actually more, if you had been the Neighbors wife...And I really do feel that I should seriously live next door.

Sometimes, I wish that he dance to my tune, than I to His….and then I realize we end up dancing to the duets we create.

We have an argument, and he says lets not go to bed, being mad at each other…and I want to retort back..... Yes, Joe I would love to stay awake and fight and resolve issues, but then I sleep off…over the issue as well.

I say Joe, you never listen to me. And he replies of course I do, how else I would reply to this…… [Sigh]

Joe you do not understand me, I say……and he says, No, I do, that’s why I am going for a walk.

Joe how can you always forget such small things…and Poonam how can you remember such small things and get mad… [I am stumped]

I say Joe, will you ever give me a surprise….and he says.... I am surprised, knowing me you still are looking for surprises….

Poonam what do you understand about money or finances… to spend it Joe, I say…..

I was looking for you, he says and I say Look after me, but please do not look for me, when I am gossiping with friends over the phone…. [Always falls on deaf ears.]

And so the journey together continues........
Me looking for him to change, and he wondering why did I change.
Sometimes I wish he would talk, and sometimes I am glad he is silent...
He looks at the world with eyes wide open and me with eyes half shut,
He leaves the windows open when goes to sleep, and I draw the curtains,
He looks at the big picture, and I look at the little things…..

Two sides of the coin we are, thankfully the same...

Thursday, May 13, 2010


What is with life and relationships these days? Everybody seems to be embittered.
Why are we so high in expectations on everybody else but ourselves? Nirupama Pathak was a case in point which really got me thinking about relationships between parents and children…this relationship for sure is going through a transition, and maybe vanishing with uncertainty and expectation.

We keep saying the modern generation children are failing their parents……why do we not think once that are parents not failing their children too. Why do we parents give our children wings, when we ourselves have not learnt to fly yet? Should we not as parents fulfill our own expectations of ourselves than start expecting from our children. So bound are we parents by our own values, our beliefs that we at times refuse to make the change in our attitude to life.
We give our kids the best of education, wanting them to excel in everything in life, always wanting them to do the right thing, hoping, praying that they imbibe by the values we set for them, setting high standards for them …thus doing everything right in life…and we as parents forget…that they are human beings in their own right, they shall make their own mistakes sometimes unobserved in life’s fast pace, and maybe learn from those mistakes. Much as our life is ours, their life is theirs too.

In life most of the things we do is because our parents did it that way, or so is the norm of the society...the society which too is formed by us. We parents have become Modern…but we have also become skeptical. We feel, our way is the best, no other way shall work for our children. So firm are we in our mindset that any other way but ours brings us disappointment. Our expectations have to be met in a set way…or else it shall only bring us disappointment…forgetting that expectation is not meant to be without disappointment. Instead of being so sensitive to our own needs as parents should we not just let them make their mistakes, [No, I do not advocate sex before marriage, or teen pregnancies and all other choices that the younger generation makes.]
But should we as parents try not judging them and do what we as parents can do best…give them love especially when they donot deserve it,give unconditional love so that no young life is lonely in their darkest hours of crisis.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Today started off as any other day, but as the clock ticked away the hours, the mind weaved its thoughts, and I realized Today was not like any other day. Outwardly nothing had changed, the changes were within me.

Off late my mind asks me questions that I wonder if I will ever have answers to.... What am I striving for, What do I want to learn before I die, What is it that I am searching for, What do I seek to embrace, What if I get lost in everything and never find Myself………Do I really want to discover myself, Do I really want to get lost in all the questions my mind asks , Should I flee from my mind or just get lost in it all?

Discovering myself, is a journey I donot want to embark on. Much as I need to find myself at times, I discover myself through the relationships I have developed, the self that has been created by the people around me. As I look back on life, I discover that that there are major opinions that I have acquired, some beliefs I have discarded, some I have adapted to, some mysteries of life I have ventured into all by myself, but found answers to{?} because of the people, the relationships around me. It is through my relationships that some days I encounter my self, and then I feel am born yet again. And at times like these I act like Columbas.Just when I think I know myself, life changes and I react like a stranger to what it throws at me. Discovering myself is indeed puzzling…I ask myself will I ever come face to face with myself?

Is there any part of me that hasn’t been altered, stayed unchanged? Why is my own self so hidden from me? Discovering myself, is it really worth the effort? Will I ever find my own answers or will I keep discovering myself through my relationships?

If I know the real myself, will I love Myself or run away from it? Knowing myself is indeed not only a difficult task but an inconvenient one too. Maybe, one day my self examination would give me a true picture of Myself, or maybe I shall never Discover Myself, but I know I shall discover the person I wanted to be…and so I shall come face to face with Myself.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


I have been away for 6 months, visiting my children, playing with my granddaughter...and now am back home...flying back I had this incredible feeling, and the exhiliration that I was feeling then..did not stay once I reached home was just a house made of bricks, walls and beams.

They say home is where the heart is...and my heart, emotions were all left behind in Canada where my children reside.My feet had left them but not my heart.....even though living in their homes, I was so much at was alive with my loved granddaughters present connected me to my past when my kids were her good it felt....their growing years which were hard to bear at times, were so sweet to remember...the past and the present had so beautifully blended for once.

I have settled in.....some days I live more in the past now, the fun times I had with my family, and I am gradually turning this house with beams into a home, filling it up with dreams......and soon my home is where a few days ago my house was....I love this place, even though it has just two people...It has strong affections, it has a soul, from a quiet home it turns into a nursery, when the thoughts of my granddaughter take over...I tell my self I have travelled from home to home...not where my heart is but with what is in my heart...

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


I have been away from my blog world for too long....miss it, but am busy being a full time grandmom for now, busy capturing the joys and wonders of my lil granddaughter Meher.In the colds of Canada, she spreads so much warmth just by being herself........and I am just so happily busy in her little world...which is mine also for a few months more...and then my friends I shall get back to blogging, catching with the family that I created with all of you.......A VERY HAPPY SATISFYING 2010 TO ALL OF YOU.

God : Hello. Did you call me?

Me: Called you? No.....who is this?

God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

God : What are you busy at?

Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God : Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this next era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Me: Why are we then constantly unhappy?

God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.....

God : Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life becomes better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God : Yes. In all terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why cant we be free from problems?

God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading

God : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?

God : When they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me". Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here? I cant get the answer.

God : Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it.

Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God : Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence.Prepare for the future without fear.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God : There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I now have a new sense of inspiration.

God : Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.