Mum visited me after a long time, and life got interestingly busy. I am now suffering from MODS…i.e. Mommy Overdose Syndrome. While over the years I have aged, I marvel at the fact, my mum has not…every morning I would wake up…and there would be a race to the kitchen… Mum would always win…and then the tug of war would start, she would want to cook for the day…………while I wanted her to relax. The early morning marathon would tire me but not her, finally reasoning helped, but for a few days..till she announced…her limbs were going weak…because of lack of exercise, in other words she needed to work.... so.. I felt I had joined the Day Care....and was under constant Mommy Supervision….
Life for a few days became guerilla warfare. Surely the hand that rocked the cradle was now ruling my turf...and I had no right to complain. I thought my years had taught me a lot, but mums visit made me realize how much more I had to learn. Never did she miss a chance on giving me a piece of advice....and to my horror I realized I needed the so called piece of advice on every thing.
We went to buy vegetables...and there she was taking out so called Fresh onions,[???]. I normally buy the big sized, so there is less to peel,but here was Mommy digging out all the medium sized ones.....before I could start peeling I already was misty eyed.
All the clothes needed to be ironed by my Iron Lady, besides me the Dhobi[washerman] was also jobless...my yells would make her quietly sneak away with the damp clothes to the ironing board..and there she would be humming her prayers , raising her brows telling me not to disturb her in her prayers…….I could see she was having a great deal of trouble with me in trying to set the errant child right…somewhere deep down I am sure she was enjoying it….And I too was enjoying saying my silent prayers that the years had not slowed her down.
Then there were the never ending visits to the temples….Every God needed to be pleased so that her brood of children and their extended family could be prayed for….Happiness insured for her children in her own way....[I guess I can now sin for life.] I in the bargain also got to discover some beautiful temples…loved the architecture of the Kumbharia Jain temple at Ambaji…the beautiful marble carvings, the peace and the serenity…and the look on my mums face shall always stay with me.
We took a trip to Somnath, something she wanted to. The short holiday did us good. My weight loss plan went to the bin....I always thought being a mother, she understood my unspoken...well she gracefully ignored it... my No’s fell on Deaf ears...I needed to be fed not overfed. Anything that she found tasty had to be fed to her new found Guinea pig..... Me.
The endless stories about life and relationships lived, the gone and the alive…She had so much to tell me, share with me...relatives I never knew existed, were alive in her conversations…and I silently thanked my stars she was not born in the days of the Mahabharata....
The short trip came to an end, and it was time for Mum to go. I am back to my life and she to hers…a warm gush of emotion spreads when I think of all the unselfish day to day things she at her age still does for me and my siblings. I would catch her looking at me and all I could see was pure love.
Everything that she could do for me she did, but she forgot one thing...............sing the lullaby
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday, March 2, 2009
ME.....My Mothers Child
Am visiting my 74 year old mum, and in my mums adult world..I at 49 am the child. I am loving every minute of being the child…my mum has decided that I need to be fed, shopped for, need to get a haircut, and of course need to have the vitamin supplements too. So my mum has her hands full..
Day 1 and am having so much fun being the child, …I am listening to all that she says now, without questioning, showing more acceptance to why she says what she says. Am back to my carefree days, with no responsibilities.My life’s day to day problems are being worked out by her. All I do is lie in bed, chat turn and go back to sleep. The days are back to being nice and good, doing nothing has not tired me yet. I look at her and once again wonder how she can do so much at her age….and if as a child just a kiss from her would take the pain away, now its just her loving look that takes it all away.
I am finding so much pleasure in doing these simple things with her. We went out shopping yesterday, or should I say my mum took me shopping. and like a little kid there I was telling her what I liked and what I wanted, my wanting a beige suit got me a magenta becaz beiges are meant for the old like her[and I smiled ,secretly telling my self, I would have never worn this , if mum hadn’t bought it for me].Like kids we had chaat papdi…mine was restricted to 4 becaz I could come down with a bad throat what with the change in weather…and also becaz I had to have the kulfi falooda ..so that as that….Her enthusiasm on being a mother has caught on…I want to play along with her, skip down the street and run against the wind, and I have this funny look about me.
True to being a child, I realize I do not have a past or a future only a present. At that point of time, I was neither a wife, a parent or a grandparent, I was just my mothers child…my smile was a source of joy to her….
The day went by,. and I discovered for my self that to all we were two women shopping, but to myself I was a child on a day out with my mother. I knew how to be childlike without being childish.
Late at night when I finally got into my bed , my mum said ,”what is a home without children” and I hugged her and looked at her to say something…and my mum said” I love you too”……..and I went to sleep thinking…Only a mother Understands what a child does not say
Day 1 and am having so much fun being the child, …I am listening to all that she says now, without questioning, showing more acceptance to why she says what she says. Am back to my carefree days, with no responsibilities.My life’s day to day problems are being worked out by her. All I do is lie in bed, chat turn and go back to sleep. The days are back to being nice and good, doing nothing has not tired me yet. I look at her and once again wonder how she can do so much at her age….and if as a child just a kiss from her would take the pain away, now its just her loving look that takes it all away.
I am finding so much pleasure in doing these simple things with her. We went out shopping yesterday, or should I say my mum took me shopping. and like a little kid there I was telling her what I liked and what I wanted, my wanting a beige suit got me a magenta becaz beiges are meant for the old like her[and I smiled ,secretly telling my self, I would have never worn this , if mum hadn’t bought it for me].Like kids we had chaat papdi…mine was restricted to 4 becaz I could come down with a bad throat what with the change in weather…and also becaz I had to have the kulfi falooda ..so that as that….Her enthusiasm on being a mother has caught on…I want to play along with her, skip down the street and run against the wind, and I have this funny look about me.
True to being a child, I realize I do not have a past or a future only a present. At that point of time, I was neither a wife, a parent or a grandparent, I was just my mothers child…my smile was a source of joy to her….
The day went by,. and I discovered for my self that to all we were two women shopping, but to myself I was a child on a day out with my mother. I knew how to be childlike without being childish.
Late at night when I finally got into my bed , my mum said ,”what is a home without children” and I hugged her and looked at her to say something…and my mum said” I love you too”……..and I went to sleep thinking…Only a mother Understands what a child does not say
Friday, November 28, 2008
MOTHER/DAUGHTER.....INLAW OR OUTLAW
This category of relationship is really unique…truly one of a kind.When you marry you become a family in more ways than one. While, all other kin relationships are bound by blood, this one is bound by marriage, and comes with giving respect and a code of conduct, and above all with a lot of expectations more so for the women…If one is fortunate enough to have a welcoming extended family, there could not be a greater blessing, but if your inlaw relationship is strained it could lead to a shaky marriage.Whether we like it or not, this is one relationship, that can either put pressure on the relationship, or be the biggest support.Getting along with your in laws especially the mother in law can be the biggest challenge of married life
Every woman I know walks into a marriage knowing that your inlaws are the people who raised your husband who also happens to be the man, you love too..But sometimes even this one major factor is not enough to keep peace.While for many these situations are exaggerated , for many others it becomes a major problem to deal with daily. Why should there be a problem in the first place???????But there is….I guess the expectations of the roles we define in our minds for the ideal Bahu, Sister in law, etc. is what kills the relationship, and if it does not kill it, it weighs it down for sure.The pre conceived notions about an ideal daughter in law has killed the relationship even before it has started.We forget we got an individual , who shall fit into the required role in due course.Accept your daughter in law for who she is.Give first Than expect.Guide her along than expect her to know how to do everything the way you did
The man I feel gets squashed in between this tug of war….Son/Husband But then it is the man[ who is now a husband too]who sadly is the only one who can bridge the two. Sadly many men miss out on this one important thing..While the girl leaves behind her family to make a new home, the man continues being a son, a brother alone and forgets he has a new role assigned to him that of The Husband….He is the only one who can make his wife be understood and his parents get respect and civility they truly deserve.
For the parents I guess it does get difficult to let go off the man/son they raised. You have raised your son and now someone else he has got into his life with your blessings has to become a priority .This new couple needs to adjust to one another first, understand their differences let go off their individual lifestyles, needs and make adjustments to run their relationship smoothly. Often the in-law relationship gets better with time, but if it’s been quite a few years and things have not changed, I guess they never will. You can not make them love you, understand you if they do not want to…so all one can do is change your reactions, the years have gone by and they will go by. No relationship is designed to perfection and so neither is this one. Every woman who becomes a mother in law was once married to someone’s son too,…………all it takes is a little thought and a whole lot of love …both ways.
Every woman I know walks into a marriage knowing that your inlaws are the people who raised your husband who also happens to be the man, you love too..But sometimes even this one major factor is not enough to keep peace.While for many these situations are exaggerated , for many others it becomes a major problem to deal with daily. Why should there be a problem in the first place???????But there is….I guess the expectations of the roles we define in our minds for the ideal Bahu, Sister in law, etc. is what kills the relationship, and if it does not kill it, it weighs it down for sure.The pre conceived notions about an ideal daughter in law has killed the relationship even before it has started.We forget we got an individual , who shall fit into the required role in due course.Accept your daughter in law for who she is.Give first Than expect.Guide her along than expect her to know how to do everything the way you did
The man I feel gets squashed in between this tug of war….Son/Husband But then it is the man[ who is now a husband too]who sadly is the only one who can bridge the two. Sadly many men miss out on this one important thing..While the girl leaves behind her family to make a new home, the man continues being a son, a brother alone and forgets he has a new role assigned to him that of The Husband….He is the only one who can make his wife be understood and his parents get respect and civility they truly deserve.
For the parents I guess it does get difficult to let go off the man/son they raised. You have raised your son and now someone else he has got into his life with your blessings has to become a priority .This new couple needs to adjust to one another first, understand their differences let go off their individual lifestyles, needs and make adjustments to run their relationship smoothly. Often the in-law relationship gets better with time, but if it’s been quite a few years and things have not changed, I guess they never will. You can not make them love you, understand you if they do not want to…so all one can do is change your reactions, the years have gone by and they will go by. No relationship is designed to perfection and so neither is this one. Every woman who becomes a mother in law was once married to someone’s son too,…………all it takes is a little thought and a whole lot of love …both ways.
Monday, May 12, 2008
my child, my teacher
The first eye contact with my child is something I will always cherish. Her lips had formed the letter O, and her eyes held mine for sometime, as if telling me…. So I belong to u, I am an extension of u. My eyes had got all misty and hers seemed so much focused on me. All that innocence, the look of bewilderment has always stayed with me…and then as if her look tugged my face towards her. I gave her my gentle kiss on her tiny lips. My world seemed so right, so perfect. All the physical and emotional pain was taken away with that one look. In that one look I had a new word to me..MOM.
From a day old she turned to be a month old, the months kept adding and I felt more love than I could possibly know. The days were busy days, but they were filled with laughs and smiles, she was there to command and I was there to obey. Her simple needs and wants were spoken in her unique way. Whimper when uneasy, laugh when happy, rub your eyes when sleepy, and wake up with a stretch and smile. Her needs were few and so basic. There never was a dull moment.
My amazing lil being grew to be six months old, and she wanted to explore the house on her plump lil belly. I never understood what did the trick for her to flay her arms in the air, push the floor with her tiny feet and waddle, and then she would preen at something on the floor… which would follow with a laugh from within. My lil one gave me my first lesson…I learnt to laugh from within, life was full of surprises, and every surprise had to be greeted with bewilderment and laughter. My precious gift from God was unknowingly becoming my teacher.
The months were turning into years, and my lil one was Columbus every day..on her own discovery, of her territory , where she saw no dangers, no fear…..and she showed complete trust in my husband and me.
Shapes, figures, flowers and trees, the sky and water all that I had learnt to view in my way was not mine anymore. I saw them thru her eyes, our bewildered looks were so alike. She would pick up a pebble and wanted me to feel it, how could a pebble be soft on one side and rough on another.She would climb afew steps and leap into our arms, there was no fear and total trust that she would be held safely.
I looked at my precious child, who had started her life’s journey with happiness, trust and no fear……something that in my adult years I was seeking .I too as a child must have had all this, when did I let it all go…..the world through my child’s eyes was once again a nicer world. The sense of awe, bewilderment and sheer pleasure of being alive has stayed with me. Life I do not anymore take for granted……..my first borne lesson to me I have treasured.
From a day old she turned to be a month old, the months kept adding and I felt more love than I could possibly know. The days were busy days, but they were filled with laughs and smiles, she was there to command and I was there to obey. Her simple needs and wants were spoken in her unique way. Whimper when uneasy, laugh when happy, rub your eyes when sleepy, and wake up with a stretch and smile. Her needs were few and so basic. There never was a dull moment.
My amazing lil being grew to be six months old, and she wanted to explore the house on her plump lil belly. I never understood what did the trick for her to flay her arms in the air, push the floor with her tiny feet and waddle, and then she would preen at something on the floor… which would follow with a laugh from within. My lil one gave me my first lesson…I learnt to laugh from within, life was full of surprises, and every surprise had to be greeted with bewilderment and laughter. My precious gift from God was unknowingly becoming my teacher.
The months were turning into years, and my lil one was Columbus every day..on her own discovery, of her territory , where she saw no dangers, no fear…..and she showed complete trust in my husband and me.
Shapes, figures, flowers and trees, the sky and water all that I had learnt to view in my way was not mine anymore. I saw them thru her eyes, our bewildered looks were so alike. She would pick up a pebble and wanted me to feel it, how could a pebble be soft on one side and rough on another.She would climb afew steps and leap into our arms, there was no fear and total trust that she would be held safely.
I looked at my precious child, who had started her life’s journey with happiness, trust and no fear……something that in my adult years I was seeking .I too as a child must have had all this, when did I let it all go…..the world through my child’s eyes was once again a nicer world. The sense of awe, bewilderment and sheer pleasure of being alive has stayed with me. Life I do not anymore take for granted……..my first borne lesson to me I have treasured.
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