Friday, November 28, 2008


This category of relationship is really unique…truly one of a kind.When you marry you become a family in more ways than one. While, all other kin relationships are bound by blood, this one is bound by marriage, and comes with giving respect and a code of conduct, and above all with a lot of expectations more so for the women…If one is fortunate enough to have a welcoming extended family, there could not be a greater blessing, but if your inlaw relationship is strained it could lead to a shaky marriage.Whether we like it or not, this is one relationship, that can either put pressure on the relationship, or be the biggest support.Getting along with your in laws especially the mother in law can be the biggest challenge of married life
Every woman I know walks into a marriage knowing that your inlaws are the people who raised your husband who also happens to be the man, you love too..But sometimes even this one major factor is not enough to keep peace.While for many these situations are exaggerated , for many others it becomes a major problem to deal with daily. Why should there be a problem in the first place???????But there is….I guess the expectations of the roles we define in our minds for the ideal Bahu, Sister in law, etc. is what kills the relationship, and if it does not kill it, it weighs it down for sure.The pre conceived notions about an ideal daughter in law has killed the relationship even before it has started.We forget we got an individual , who shall fit into the required role in due course.Accept your daughter in law for who she is.Give first Than expect.Guide her along than expect her to know how to do everything the way you did

The man I feel gets squashed in between this tug of war….Son/Husband But then it is the man[ who is now a husband too]who sadly is the only one who can bridge the two. Sadly many men miss out on this one important thing..While the girl leaves behind her family to make a new home, the man continues being a son, a brother alone and forgets he has a new role assigned to him that of The Husband….He is the only one who can make his wife be understood and his parents get respect and civility they truly deserve.

For the parents I guess it does get difficult to let go off the man/son they raised. You have raised your son and now someone else he has got into his life with your blessings has to become a priority .This new couple needs to adjust to one another first, understand their differences let go off their individual lifestyles, needs and make adjustments to run their relationship smoothly. Often the in-law relationship gets better with time, but if it’s been quite a few years and things have not changed, I guess they never will. You can not make them love you, understand you if they do not want to…so all one can do is change your reactions, the years have gone by and they will go by. No relationship is designed to perfection and so neither is this one. Every woman who becomes a mother in law was once married to someone’s son too,…………all it takes is a little thought and a whole lot of love …both ways.

1 comment:

Renu said...

came here from JP. This is a very delicate relationship and I think if the man is smart and intelligent, he can cement it much better. Most of the problems arise due to the insecurities, and he is the only one who can make feel secure to the both the women in his life.
And one thing I strongly believe that as MIL are advised to welcome the DIl with love, so should the gils also told to be a little obedient and respectful. Today's girl's rudeness and irreverence kills the relationship before it starts.