Wednesday, April 28, 2010

DISCOVERING MYSELF..........?

Today started off as any other day, but as the clock ticked away the hours, the mind weaved its thoughts, and I realized Today was not like any other day. Outwardly nothing had changed, the changes were within me.

Off late my mind asks me questions that I wonder if I will ever have answers to.... What am I striving for, What do I want to learn before I die, What is it that I am searching for, What do I seek to embrace, What if I get lost in everything and never find Myself………Do I really want to discover myself, Do I really want to get lost in all the questions my mind asks , Should I flee from my mind or just get lost in it all?

Discovering myself, is a journey I donot want to embark on. Much as I need to find myself at times, I discover myself through the relationships I have developed, the self that has been created by the people around me. As I look back on life, I discover that that there are major opinions that I have acquired, some beliefs I have discarded, some I have adapted to, some mysteries of life I have ventured into all by myself, but found answers to{?} because of the people, the relationships around me. It is through my relationships that some days I encounter my self, and then I feel am born yet again. And at times like these I act like Columbas.Just when I think I know myself, life changes and I react like a stranger to what it throws at me. Discovering myself is indeed puzzling…I ask myself will I ever come face to face with myself?

Is there any part of me that hasn’t been altered, stayed unchanged? Why is my own self so hidden from me? Discovering myself, is it really worth the effort? Will I ever find my own answers or will I keep discovering myself through my relationships?

If I know the real myself, will I love Myself or run away from it? Knowing myself is indeed not only a difficult task but an inconvenient one too. Maybe, one day my self examination would give me a true picture of Myself, or maybe I shall never Discover Myself, but I know I shall discover the person I wanted to be…and so I shall come face to face with Myself.

11 comments:

Piper .. said...

Poonam Mam, so nice to see a post finally! I can relate to most of what you say. Year after year, my perception of who I am continues to be shaped by the relationships I share. How, I ask myself? By the other`s perception of who I am. By their expectations(sometimes unrealistic enough to warrant a rebellion, and at other times simply a quiet subservience). I allow myself to think, that I am only that person who other people think I am. And so, sometimes when I get out of the stereotyped facade which people have built for me, I surprise myself by moving ahead of me. And then I realize who I am. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. But I love it. I dont think I`m making much sense. I shall infact do a post on it, if you dont mind..
Please do write more often. Your posts are wonderfully thought- provoking..

Poonam J said...

Piper, ofcourse you make sense...I agree with you whole heartedly when you say .......And so, sometimes when I get out of the stereotyped facade which people have built for me, I surprise myself by moving ahead of me. And then I realize who I am. Bit by bit. Piece by piece.
I go through all these emotions too..I try living up to expectations and needs of others..sometimes I discover myself, but sometimes I only uncover myself. There are times I do think am I the person people think I am , or is there more to me. If I conform to all everybody elses standards, will the real me abandoned..someday maybe I will be able to discover the real person residing in me, and maybe be true to myself then....looking forward to your post on the same...and yes, I do want to write regularly, but life takes over at times.

Renu said...

Change is the only constant thing in life..we keep changing everything, somethings are changed by nature as our looks,but our views and beliefs change due to circumstances and sometimes by even behaviour of other people.

Piper .. said...

Poonam Mam, here`s wishing you a very happy mother`s day! Hope you had a beautiful day today! :)

Chatterbox said...

Hello Poonam,
Thank you for visiting my blog and sharing your wonderful views on my story. I am glad you brought me to your wonderful blog.

I was nodding all the way while reading this beautiful post. I totally agree on the fact that we can get a fair idea about ourselves by the relations we keep and I so often wonder, would I run away I stood face to face with my real self.

Hope to stay in touch :)

Cheers!!

Renu said...

when are you going to write a post?

Indyeah said...

Just reading your words. Thats all for now.

Starting out on a journey of my own..still trying to search....



((((((((hugs))))))))))))Good to be back

Poonam J said...

Hi Renu..I totally agree with you change indeed is the truth of life..as long as it is for the better. And yes, here is another post finally.

Poonam J said...

Welcome Chatterbox...shall keep visiting your blog..I honestly feel I am what I am becaz of the relationships I have in life..sometimes yes, honestly I have run away from myself...but at other times I like the person these relationships have turned me into.

Poonam J said...

Indyeah....long time....Wishing you the very best in your new journey..and no you shall not get lost...discover and rediscover yourself for sure.....

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