Wednesday, April 29, 2009


I am sitting in my balcony, watching the thunder showers, the palm trees swaying and feeling the drizzle on my face. I am letting all the beauty of nature sink in, capturing it with my eyes, in my mind. I love the rain, but I hate the mess, it leaves behind, the muddy water, the potholes full of water, the insects , the mosquitoes…..and I tell myself…Why, Why, am I like this, Why can I not look at the brighter side of life, and ignore the dark side. Life is so full of Whys……..and I ask my self...

Why….is it that sometimes, silence makes more noise than Thunder?

Why……do I think faster than I speak? My words never seem to keep up with my thoughts.

Why……do I see some of my friends who are so God fearing, humble, pious suffer?

Why……do I plan my tomorrow, when I try living everyday as my last?

Why……can I not take each day as it comes?

Why…….do I struggle to understand life in parts, when it must be understood in totality?

Why…….can I not be loved as I have loved?

Why……I love compliments, but do not know how to accept them?

Why……do I not accept things for what they are? I see things more clearly in my dreams, than when I am awake?

Why… do I want to know all, when ignorance is bliss?

Why… do I get baffled by reality and difficulties?

Why….do I spoil what I have, by desiring what I do not?

Why… I look back on life and have regrets?

This constant hankering of Why is ridiculous. The more I seek for answers the more elusive it gets. Strange and paradoxical it is…..the heart asks and the heart answers. but why do I not get the right answers .Maybe, if I changed my attitude, I would view life differently ?


DPhatsez said...

uh huh! One of those introspection phases huh?
Been there. tried finding 'life-changing' answers to no avail.
Reasoned out sobriety was dampening my insight. Hence in 'altered' states tried to answer the WHY. No luck.

I'm only 24 but i know the truth about Life: It goes on!

Cheers! \m/

feel free to drop by my blog if you fancy a laugh :)

Solilo said...

I feel this often too. These WHYs sometimes haunt me but I am glad it doesn't stay too long.

Indyeah said...

the questions are exactly the ones I ask too..but as Solilo says the phase passes...but when it lingers it lingers for quite long....

Life is made up of these whys isnt it?for , without the whys we would be the same as breathing, eating,mating and dying...missed reading your posts on life and all its hues..((hugs)))

Usha Pisharody said...

Poonam, I don't know why, but this is so heartbreakingly familiar for me too. The why, the wherefores too, sometimes.

Yes, I guess wanting to know the answers to these whys is sometimes ridiculous, but since the heart is one who asks, and answers too, it has its place in life :)

There is something so touchingly endearing too about this post ..:) Thank you for articulating these questions; there is an instant connection I feel with them :)

Just call me 'A' said...

why why oh why are you echoing my thoughts poonam. the only difference is, you write about it and i don't!

people tell me that it's a phase and it will pass. so passing that on to you too...but me? i don't know if it will pass. maybe it will etched itself and that would mean passing

Poonam J said...

DPhatsez..Thank you for dropping by. Wise Guy you are if at 24, you know the truths of Life...I am still discovering Life.

Solilo....You are so right when you say, the feeling doesnot last long, but it visits often.

Indyeah...Once again Welcome back..So many 'Y' that life keeps springing, and I struggle to find answers..sometimes I get, at other times I donot..and the phase of Y Life gets easier to lived.

Usha...Hey, You visited my blog.Thankyou.This Y sometimes leads to HOW...more so when I have these conversations with God, and I wonder Y do u not listen God?..this leads to HOW do I make you listen God..Thankfully this Y does not form my whole life, but just a part of it. ....

Poonam J said...

A....echoing your thoughts? I guess life cannot be lived without Y....its a phase , it shall pass, and reappear.Like Indyeah says...
Life is made up of these whys isnt it?for , without the whys we would be the same as breathing, eating,mating and dying....So True.

N said...

"Why….is it that sometimes, silence makes more noise than Thunder?"
"Why…….can I not be loved as I have loved?"
"Why……do I not accept things for what they are?"
Poonam Ji, these are some questions i ask myself often too...
Why is life so full of whys?

Smitha said...

I think you have voiced something most of us feel, at some time or the other...