Sunday, April 19, 2009

EMPTY NEST...............NOSTALGIA

Living in an empty nest, sometimes my mind does drift on to the days when we had our house full, the days would fly away, what with my daughter and son around…where did the years go? How did time fly away so fast? I never saw the hidden wings of time and neither did I see the kids grow up to be adults.
While they were there, all the noise in the house would drive me mad…..and now when they are settled in their own happy lives and world…it’s the silence that drives me mad.

I miss the times when my now adult kids were kids, children living in their own free world. enriching my life, turning my smile into laughter. With them around besides being the parent I was also the child…..

Those were the days….I get nostalgic….
I remember the times, when I would take them to the park, in the merry go round, they would always wave when they crossed me, and I would always wave back…the sense of being acknowledged every time, was so momentous…My body was with me, but my heart was on that merry go round…..

And the piggy back rides….I was glad they grew up, for this ….and then I realized to my horror my 5 year old son wanted to take me piggy back…so there I was trailing on his shoulders, my arms around him, my legs dragging slowly, me all smiles and then he turned around and said the cutest thing……’’Mumma you are not heavy, I can carry you forever’’…

My little boy who till now I loved to carry around was getting to be grown up enough to shoulder me and the world….Happiness and joy soon was taken over by tears…My daughter watching me cry, just came and sat next to me and put her hand over mine…and I cried even more. When I looked at her, she patted my hand and said ….”Okay enough, now Go wash your face”

And then we had to teach them to ride a bicycle…..I wanted to protect them from the fall, so would always hold on to the bicycle and keep balancing …Till my wiser ones said … ‘But mumma, we have to be set free to learn to balance ourselves.’ One of those teary moments again, with the realization…that they shall forever need the support, but also the freedom.

Playing hide and seek was my favorite game, that gave me minutes to rest, unseen , in my quiet corner, so there I was behind the door standing with my eyes shut, and my daughter finds me, and says… “Why stand in a corner, if it scares you? Come hide behind the sofa.”

And the one time they were quarrelling ….I said “okay now”…my daughter interrupts and says … “yes, we will stop before you say 3”……She was an angel, who came out with questions , that made me fumble, and mumble…Everyday at the end of the day she would sum me up as mother…something I looked forward to, one day would end with me being the scolding mum, and the other day she would tell me you were a kissing mum today…..and one day she said Today you have been a scoldy kissy mum…I cherish this Compliment from my little one, who is now managing her own little one.

One time during the day, my little son had his pudgy arms behind his head, and he was just resting in that regal posture of his, with a very content look, which only kids can have. I walked past and asked him, ‘what are you up to….Mumma I am day dreaming’’ Dreaming with eyes open? I asked. ‘Yes mumma, it is day, so my eyes are open. You can do that too, sit here with me…..Wow, my son taught me, to dream with my eyes open…..and this realization was followed with another teary moment.


My faith in my son has remained unchallenged. He tells me...Mumma do not think I am simple and na├»ve, because you will get hurt otherwise……. [And I look at the handsome young man standing in front of me and think to my self…..My son , raising you has been most fulfilling, with you I played the games I never was allowed to as a girl, I being a woman lived your ideas, ambitions and aspirations…and stepped out into a man’s mind, his world…… All I did then was get up and give him my big mumma hug…only this time he was embarrassed……Yes, my son was grown up enough to feel shy with mumma hugs.


My little lady is a mother herself. She shares the squeals of her daughter with me and mine are mixed with hers too, making me happier than ever. My little girl, my gender partner, my treasure, my extension has grown up to be my best friend.....We are like two volumes of the same book……..

All this and many more, I have deposits in my memory bank. The kids have outgrown my lap, but not my heart. They say they are grown up….Yes, they have grown older, bigger, they are adults…..but they have always been my kids, and will be my kids. They were and are my greatest pride, accomplishment and joy.


The nest is empty, but the heart is full. And the mind, it is never empty; I am never alone in my thoughts. I love them for who they are and more so for what they have grown to be. We are chained with love…..only our language differs…it’s a full circle…. Now they speak from their mind and I from my heart. I cannot hold them in my arms now, but in my heart I always do.

10 comments:

Just call me 'A' said...

this was such a wonderful read poonam. I sat with my chin resting on my palm and swayed back and fro as I read line by line smilling to myself. The love, pride, joy and happiness shone through every word. The heart never cheats and the mind will never let you forget. that's the beauty of the love etched in our hearts and minds

Chrysalis said...

Beautiful.This made me cry. As a mother of very young kids I shed a few tears , my babies are growing up too fast, I shed tears, and as a daughter whose parents nest is empty, I shed tears.
Lovely. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy every moment with my children and also writing about what I already know... how silence is now an issue with my parents too.

Poonam J said...

Hi Just call me A.........Thankyou, Am glad you liked it. Time indeed does fly.When the kids were growing I used to keep telling myself, I have to give them wings with roots...our parents, grandparents all did it..the only solace is, that they remember their roots, and that they are happy in the life they have created for themselves.

Solilo said...

Poonam ji, you made me cry but I am not complaining. This is something my mom would write too. With one son and a daughter, both are in US, she might be going through the same feelings. Empty nesters who try to keep themselves busy but their heart is always full knowing that their children are happy and doing good.

This also made me think about my future and I realize that time is running out. My daughter is already 5. I need to enjoy each moment of life.

Poonam J said...

Hi Chrysalis...while I was getting nostalgic, I was getting all teary too. My mum still speaks of me and my antics as a child. I guess some things we parents shall never forget, they are etched on our heart and mind forever. How so ever we prepare ourselves...I do at times feel the loss of a daily relationship. And the empty nest sadness, comes at all funny moments...when making your kids favorite dish, when shopping looking at clothes your kids would like....Like I said earlier, we prepare our kids for the outside world, and we are the ones who are not prepared....

Varunavi said...

Wonderful post poonam,
Your post made me to recollect how my mom smiled with all of us around.When we all got married,she said i can't live my life in this silence and silence in the house will kill me.

The nest is empty, but the heart is full. And the mind, it is never empty---lovely,i felt my mom has written all these lines.
hugs to u mom:)))

N said...

LOVED the post

"and then I realized to my horror my 5 year old son wanted to take me piggy back…so there I was trailing on his shoulders, my arms around him, my legs dragging slowly, me all smiles and then he turned around and said the cutest thing……’’Mumma you are not heavy, I can carry you forever’’…
This Had me smiling :) :) :)

Such moments that just whizz past us before we realize and recollected later in life and re-lived and relished forever.

Yeah life sure comes a full circle..
I asked my mum who has come to see her grandchild: "will you miss me ma when u go back to India". And she said "Ofcourse.." And after a pause "But i will miss my Grandson more" :), :(
... And that made me both happy and sad at the same time.
Some relationships grow, outgrow, shrink and then come back a full circle.. but the underlying feeling of LOVE remains constant, and thats the bottom line isn't it :)

Smitha said...

That was so beautiful and so touching!!! I don't know what to say beyond that... I can totally imagine what my mother must be going through - after reading what you say.. and probably what I would feel some years down the line.. Every minute with our children is so precious, isn't it? Thank you so much for writing this!

KoolKap said...

Oh it was so touching.. I am already missing my mum..! Mom's are always special... I am sure ur kids also think the same...

Indyeah said...

This is so beautifully written...loved it..brought back so many memories of bachpan :) when I and my brothers troubles mom and dad....mom more usually coz she was at home more often...

one bro is already posted somewhere in the north...mom dreads the day when I will get a job outside and leave...and when the youngest baby of the family too will complete hisstudies and get a job...
she fears the silence more than dad...or maybe they both do...

its a dilemna...
but I also know that this daughter will remian her confidante for life no matter where I am...

loved this post(((hugs)))
made me just sit and think for so long....