Thursday, February 26, 2009


I turned 49 yesterday, and wow what a 49 yr. old I am. I woke up in love with myself with the Me, that I had nurtured for 49 years…what a Me …I love it as much as I love the Us, I so much believe in. The Me had taken a backseat after I got married, everything I thought of was all about him [my husband], his beliefs, his wants, his dreams, which in my mind had converted to our beliefs, our dreams etc. etc. I spent 30 years of my life believing this, and never regretting it, nor do I now….I spend so much time trying to improve myself for the better, always trying to do things that would make my family happy, like most of us. Never finding anything wrong with it, because my upbringing taught me that it was the right thing to do, to put others before myself, and if I did not do it this ‘right way’; that was being selfish. And selfish I am not, but was I all selfless….not really.

It’s been a long journey in rediscovering my Me. My own daughter tells me, ‘Ma, live for yourself, which means self care, it means love yourself, preserve yourself, becaz u deserve it’ ….so on my 49th Birthday…..I gifted myself my Me. I made a promise to myself that I must value myself as a human being, maintain my dignity first, and also respect my limitations as a human being. Half my life I have spent living the role that life chose for me…living it to the best of my ability and capability….and now I owe it to myself too…Is this a turning point in my life, I wonder…..No, not really…..I still believe in all that my Us taught me to believe in, but I also now believe in this one more fact… Me.

Am I growing old or am I growing wiser, in wanting that I respect my emotions, my mental well being? The negative emotions that I feel need to be addressed too as much as the positive emotions. I am going to spell them out too, not caring whether they sound right…..they are Mine, So I am going to address each feeling as it comes…..I have started my path on self love. My sense of humor has made me laugh at myself as much as I have laughed at the good, the bad, and the ugly that has come my way…..and my thought of wanting to love my Me, made me giggle…..Ha, Ha…..

I am still a wife, a mother, a Grandmother, a sister, a daughter…and I am also Me…..oops….should this not be vice versa….Does it matter, becaz my Me is also in each of these relationships…..they are becaz I am ….. (I just changed this from….I am becaz they are)…….my Me is growing, wanting more for itself, already getting greedy….but still loving myself.


Indyeah said...

Happy Birthday!:)
What a day to comment here!:))
And this post of yours is so much from the heart:)ay above and beyond than mine ever was..:)

''so on my 49th Birthday…..I gifted myself my Me.''
''So I am going to address each feeling as it comes…..I have started my path on self love.''

''they are becaz I am ''

these are just a few of my favourite lines here:))
For a woman who has started on a new journey:)
All the best:)
Blogrolled you:)
How could I not after this post?:)

Poonam J said...

Hi Indyeah....
Thanks for the wishes. I have begun a new journey, am sure living with and for myself is going to be easy too...will keep sharing my trials and joys.
Luv and Thanx once again.