Friday, February 27, 2009


"my Me is growing, wanting more for itself, already getting greedy….but still loving myself. "

I have lived life, dancing to its tunes, moving with the rhythm, sometime flowing with the tide sometime against it, but have survived it all. There have been times when I have felt restless, scared, and emotionally so insecure…and then have felt this desire to break free, and be my own woman, my own person.

I am troubled by my own mind, by my own thoughts..Why do I feel this need to be my own person, why am I feeling this way? My husband has always encouraged me to be a person in my own right, but there have been times in life when I have let go of my own belief and followed what has been expected of me. It might not have been the right thing I would have done, but I sure did what was expected of me. I did it not becaz I wanted to, but it did make people around me happy. I did care about their judgment more than I cared for my self.

Deep down I still care about what people think of me, I want to always please them….But now I also want to please myself, I want to unlock all the doors to the person in me, to the woman in me..There is so much within me that is untouched. Midlife crisis it sure is not, while to others that’s what it may seem.

I am trying to evaluate my own thoughts, why this sudden need to be happy with my self for myself, and also by myself. Like most of us, I too have always depended on others for happiness. Their responses to my acts have given me happiness. But now I am going to stop looking for validation. Just for the fun of Being Me ...I shall play along to my own inner voice and the reactions it gives to certain situations and emotions…I shall try listening to it and may be follow it…I might rock the boat I sail in, but that’s a chance I want to take..And I will becaz I have to know for my self who I am.

Discovering my own Me…this thought is so exciting, fresh and maybe radical. But then that is the only way I can acknowledge the Unique ME. I am more than I know myself to be…..and I shall discover that for myself, for Me… I am just very very curious. If I do not find my Me, I shall create it, and may be then I shall discover myself….

{It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes me happy…..and that’s what my next post is going to be on………}


Indyeah said...

''I have lived life, dancing to its tunes, moving with the rhythm''
you write beautifully and so from the heart...

Your words in the last post and this one(and the next that I am going to read):) make me look forward to being 49:)
Whata journey of self discovery and the way you write about it..:)
its fascinating to read:)


Poonam J said...

Hi Indyeah....Thannkyou once again. I never realized i was getting to be 49, till i actually became one..and I still feel like a 16yr. old at times,..and the funny thing is that i can appreciate 16 year olds than i never did.... My friends ask me were u so funny as a child and i say..i just know that the child in me is funny.....Bye, for now