A Void Forever.....

Death….sure is a cold word…leaves u all numb, the pain never easing. Two months ago, my dearest friend passed away tragically in a road accident…My mothers words Ajay is gone, still ring in my ears. Never did I realize that grief could be so raw, so crippling and disabling .The raw power of my emotions amazed me..

Life has not been the same ever since. I live but do not feel alive; hours have turned into days and days into months…. I want to move on, but simply cannot.
I don’t want to forget Ajay, but I do not want the remembering to be so painful too. The times that I laugh, and am happy, I feel guilty. I ask myself have I moved on so fast, and then I am wrapped in grief again. Nothing can justify the fact that he has gone, missing, disappeared from my life…..
Questions, questions and more questions is all I have….Where is he now? Is he alright? Was his passing over painful? Why is he gone, and why am I still here? Can He see me and hear me? Does he know that he is missed?why why why…and life is so full of why?

Just when he was learning to live, he died. And so did a part of me. With his death I too have lost the opportunity, to sing, laugh, cry, and share with him. And all I am left with is this cloud of grief, the weight of which I cannot measure. Life indeed has been altered forever.
My well wishers keep telling me…you will get over it, time is a big healer. Will I? How? Will the gap, the hole I feel inside me ever fill….I guess not, because that was the place he made in my heart. .....