Monday, March 16, 2009

A Void Forever.....

Death….sure is a cold word…leaves u all numb, the pain never easing. Two months ago, my dearest friend passed away tragically in a road accident…My mothers words Ajay is gone, still ring in my ears. Never did I realize that grief could be so raw, so crippling and disabling .The raw power of my emotions amazed me..

Life has not been the same ever since. I live but do not feel alive; hours have turned into days and days into months…. I want to move on, but simply cannot.
I don’t want to forget Ajay, but I do not want the remembering to be so painful too. The times that I laugh, and am happy, I feel guilty. I ask myself have I moved on so fast, and then I am wrapped in grief again. Nothing can justify the fact that he has gone, missing, disappeared from my life…..
Questions, questions and more questions is all I have….Where is he now? Is he alright? Was his passing over painful? Why is he gone, and why am I still here? Can He see me and hear me? Does he know that he is missed?why why why…and life is so full of why?

Just when he was learning to live, he died. And so did a part of me. With his death I too have lost the opportunity, to sing, laugh, cry, and share with him. And all I am left with is this cloud of grief, the weight of which I cannot measure. Life indeed has been altered forever.
My well wishers keep telling me…you will get over it, time is a big healer. Will I? How? Will the gap, the hole I feel inside me ever fill….I guess not, because that was the place he made in my heart. .....

6 comments:

Indyeah said...

Poonam..What can I say?I have no words..((hugs))
This too shall pass
may he be at peace wherever he is..

god bless you and yours...

Poonam J said...

Thanx Indyeah....i hope too that this shall pass. I had read earlier... Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.So true.
[hogs and love]

Solilo said...

I have a post in my draft about a dear friend of mine who passed away years ago but it still hurts because I couldn't meet him as visiting hours of MH were over. So then kept postponing and...

You learn to move on but it is difficult to forget some things.

Poonam J said...

Hi Solilo,
I guess all we can do is pray for them and us too.Time is agreat healer they say and we shall know...

Piper .. said...

Ohh Mam, how I wish I had some words of consolation to offer. Death can be difficult to come to terms with, especially because of its finality, its irreversibility. Sometimes we hurt so bad that it seems that the pain will never end. It probably doesnt. But it does become easier to live with the pain, as time passes by. Stay strong, stay happy, knowing that your friend would have wanted that from you. I`m so, so sorry for your loss. Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way.

Poonam J said...

Thanx Piper for your hugs and prayers.